I have spent much of the past two weeks thinking about pressure, perceived and real, and the impact that has on me and the people that I love. I guess the thing I am finding more and more evident is how grossly under-prepared I was for the juggling act of working full-time and having a school age child. It seems my life has become more and more complex in the last 12 years. Back in early ’07 I was living the single life, maintaining a pretty healthy looking body, heading out for wine time on the weekend and basically doing as I pleased with my time. Then I met Mr B Badger and began to share my time with him, we got married, bought a dog, bought a house and did couples stuff – which meant lot’s of trips to Bunnings on the weekend and wine time at home, a mortgage is a great way to stifle a good social life. Anyhoo 2012 saw us welcome Little Boss into our lives and we dropped to one income….fast forward to 2017 and I return to full time work but Little Boss is in Prep and only two days a week so woopity do, not much to organise there. Last year Kindy was ok…little bit of home work, swimming carnival, athletics carnival, assemblies and the like but overall fairly manageable. It’s safe to say that Year 1 has officially slapped my face and told me to wake up to myself. This Term is only nine weeks long and there are seven extra items on my Calendar for School….one is a Circus themed Disco and the other one is Book Week so I will have to whip out the Elna and come up with a snazzy outfit or two for those, Mothers Day Stall, Grandparents Day, Athletics Carnival, Class Assembly, Math’s Challenge and Parent Teacher Interviews….add to that Swimming Lessons, Soccer Training, Home Readers and Home Work, remembering what Uniform is on what day and what the transport arrangements are to and from school. And we don’t do half of what some do in the extra-curricular area….so after I send Little Boss off to school with a super awesome lunch box that will come home mostly untouched, I head off to work. Which is where I leave the best of me – cause they pay me – and then I bring home the tired, grumpy short tempered me who just wants to go and lift heavy things at the gym but after cooking dinner and getting Little Boss to bed all I can muster is a bit of GoT and date with my pillow.
I am going to have to change it up and get a new routine cause this is a cycle that will continue for the next 11 years….if I keep going at my current pace for that long my nervous system is going to look like a pin-ball that keeps hitting all the bumpers.
I take comfort in the fact that I am not alone and I am also grateful that we are able to provide Little Boss with this epic childhood filled with rich and colourful experiences. I am also super thankful for my friends that get to enjoy my animated and colourful language as we each discuss our shared frustrations on our parenting journey. While I am #grateful and #thankful I am also, at times, overwhelmed and too exhausted – mentally and physically – to phone a friend so then I start to beat myself up for not staying in touch with friends and family. It’s a hectic life that we all need to dial back a notch. Maybe the school could jam their homework and ask that kids help prepare dinner instead to learn about food, or write a letter to a person at their local nursing home to practise their writing….actual real tasks that encourage learning rather than columns of words and numbers on a page. Just a thought…anyhoo this has been the best time, just sitting here and typing away, getting these thoughts out of my head. Not my best post but necessary. If anyone reads this anymore, thank you, I appreciate you sticking in there even though my posts are about as regular as my menstrual cycle.