so today I was on my way to hang out with my mother in law and had to drive through a local school zone….so down the speed goes until I reach the 40kph I am allowed to do. there was a dude in front of me doing his 40kph as well so all was going according to plan when for some bizarre reason he just turned right, without warning or indication, and mounted the kerb. I thought this was a bit of a random act considering that directly in front of him were some kiddies on their way to school and even they stopped to see what he was up to. turns out he was just parking his car…on the sidewalk. now I work in an extremely safety conscious industry so when I see people doing crazy stuff like this I really want to harm them. not literally of course. this kind of behaviour outside schools has not bothered me in the past but now that we have little boss I am starting to see a whole range of issues that do blow my hair back. parking on the kerb really gets me going…especially when I have to wheel little boss onto the road to get around a car. people blocking our driveway…that gets my goat to. I guess having all this time off has given me cause to think about a few things – pondering what sort of behaviours I want to instill into little boss. Mr B Badger.com would say what I need to do is stop belching like a truckie….and he’s right, of course. unless I get offered a part in a hangover style movie there is really no need for me to let it rip like I am burping for australia. what I am thinking about is more like the park on the kerb type of stuff…thinking about how my actions might impact on another human being. maybe I am just getting soft – the amount of crying at random stuff would definitely indicate this is the case – or maybe I am just hoping that in some karmic way that by altering my behaviours it will have an impact on the things that affect me….for example if I stop burping like a bum crack exposing tradie maybe Mr B Badger.com will start saying three, throw and through instead of free, frow and frough….he wont be happy to read that but seriously what sort of english do they teach in england?? my theory on giving compliments rather than complaints seems to be working….now whenever I visit my local coffee shop they already know what I want and have started preparing before I order so I don’t have to wait and the service is always friendly so lets see if I can get the wheels in motion to change some other stuff…
so little boss is eight months old…I was unbelievably naive to think that staying at home and looking after a baby would make time slow down. if anything the past eight months have flown by quick as a jiffy – well maybe not that quick but you get my drift. we had her check up with the health nurse this week and answered the endless round of questions before little boss got her gear off to get weighed and measured. everything was going well with both weight and length following the curve…then we get to the head circumference. so old pam puts the tape around little boss’ noggin and then marks the measurement in her record book…she looks at the dot on the page and declares that she must have read the tape wrong because that can’t be right….so she measures again, this time with more care, and shut the front gate it’s the same measurement…and its off the curve – by a mile. now the problem with diagnostic tools is that when something is presented that doesn’t fit into the norm then it means there is something wrong. there must be a reason for this outlier in the stats….and there is. we are a family of big heads. I don’t mean ego, I mean literally huge heads. my grandmother, father, brother, nephew, myself and now little boss – all dealt the challenge of finding a hat that fits. for some of us we also have ears that stick out either side of our big heads and at eight months it’s very cute but later on when people are calling you wing nut it aint so much fun. of course you grow into your head and to look at us you wouldn’t say that we are out of proportion but at six months little boss was wearing hats to fit 12-18 months poor love….even getting her bonds singlet over her head brings tears to her eyes if I havent ruined it by stretching the neck.
anyhoo so the health nurse says to me “keep an eye on it”….ahhhh what for? yes I am fully aware that her measurements are all meant to follow the same curve and clearly she has gone off the chart on her head circumference but surely genetics play a part and common sense should prevail. my mum found my baby book in their latest move and to say things have changed in the last 40 odd years is an understatement. todays health record comes in a folder and must go with you at every doctors visit. it contains all immunisation info, measurements, doctors visits, health questionnaires and assessments and a whole heap of other stuff I havent bothered to read. mine is a small book of about 20 pages, several of which are blank and most of the information relates to milestones rather than health topics. the one page that did interest me was titled immunization and it says….
The Department of Health recommends that immunization against diphtheria, tetanus and whooping-cough should start when your baby is three months old and three injections should be given at monthly intervals.
When baby is 15-18 months old he will require the first booster injection and at school entry he will require another booster injection if he is to be fully protected.
The immunization against poliomyelitis should also start when your baby is three months old and three doses of Sabin vaccine are given at two monthly intervals followed by a booster dose when baby is 15-18 months old and a further booster when he enters school.
just a little different to the program we have now…and lucky for my mum that they didn’t measure head circumference back then or she would have been freaking out with the size on my brothers melon…
so I just bought a magazine rack for my toilet wall. I am sick of leaving the magazines on the floor so on my most recent trip to ikea I spotted the rack and thought what a brilliant idea. but now I am thinking…is reading in the toilet a taboo? is it something that people do but they don’t talk about and therefore they don’t put a magazine rack in the actual toilet to advertise the fact that its okay to read here. take your time enjoy the hospitality and flick through the latest better homes and gardens. seriously it’s not really the most comfortable seat in the house and depending on your habits it can get a little aromatic to say the least but there is something about going to the toilet that just says leave me the hell alone. it’s probably the one place where no one – in their right mind – would disturb you. if reading on the toilet is such a gross habit then why is it that companies use the back of toilet doors to place their adverts? or people waste perfectly good lip liner writing drunken crap on the toilet door for others to read? or better still why are companies that manufacture women’s pads now printing trivia snippets on the adhesive backing paper for you to read while visiting the toilet during our menstrual cycle…we women are multi taskers aren’t we? anyhoo feel free to judge me if it so pleases you but if you do read while sitting on the throne and, like me, you are not happy with the old magazine on the floor trick head on down to ikea and for a mere $19.95 you can have wall mounted reading material available for those times when you need to escape your loved ones…
so I have been doing febfast…for those that do not know participating in febfast involves abstaining from alcohol for the month of february while raising money to support people with addiction issues and their families. the non drinking thing is no biggie for me anymore since I only had about three drinks while I was pregnant with little boss and every time I did my body rejected it and I would spend the rest of the day or night in the bathroom I figure whats 28 days when I have done over 12 months….so I have roped in Mr B Badger.com – who, if faced with the choice, would rather eat cupcakes than drink bourbon – and my parentals who are only doing febfast monday to friday but they intend to continue their weekday abstinence beyond february which is pretty good really.
anyhoo it has only just recently occurred to me how much our culture is geared towards having a drink…we meet people “for a drink”, we go out for lunch and dinner and have a drink, we have a rubbish day at work and we relax with a drink, we have a fantastic day at work and we have a drink to celebrate. it may not be our culture, it may just be people I know, but if I count up the non drinkers i know they only take up the fingers on one hand. there is an alcohol awareness advertising campaign on the telly that shows a dad having a drink and he asks his son to get him a beer and the that son grows into a man and repeats the same pattern…reminds me of my little hostess duties I performed as a child. at the time I loved it. if I was playing the hostess it meant I could stay up and be part of an adult world. it’s only now that I have little boss that it has occurred to me that knowing how to water down my grandfathers fruity gordo before I had hit double digits probably wasn’t really all that cool. and here lies the problem with re-reading my posts….see I had written up to the last full stop this morning then went out for lunch and now at 10pm I have re-read and wonder should I post this? does it come across as though I was raised by some irresponsible people who put me to work at their servant…and the answer to my own question is that to some readers it may seem like that, to others it may sound worse or it may read like a pretty regular, suburban upbringing – which it was. just a normal couple trying to raise two kids, one of whom felt compelled to grow up way to early and present them with more than their fair share of sleepless nights and challenging times….not much has changed really.
anyway it’s staying in – read it or read into it, your choice entirely.
so back to febfast. I haven’t raised any money other than the $50 I donated which I am totally fine with because at the end of february I will hopefully have a better relationship with my liver and will also have lost a few more pounds…god knows why I say pounds but it just sounds better than saying kilos. things that never occurred to me before are now quite interesting like how inexpensive it is to go out for a meal when you don’t drink…perth is probably the most expensive city in australia for dining out, or any sort of dining actually, yet today when I took my besty out for a birthday lunch neither of us had a drink so for two meals and two coffees it was only $55…staggering considering that four years ago we went to a wedding at a beautiful venue on the swan river and I went to the bar to buy drinks for myself and three others….three pints of regular beer and one glass of japanese beer and when I handed the guy a fifty he said “it’ll be more than that” I was totally embarrassed – doesn’t happen often – I only had fifty on me since we were at a wedding and I didn’t need cash…it was $55 for four drinks and none of them had an umbrella. I did wish I had bought a bigger handbag so I could keep the glasses, at least then it would have felt like money well spent.
the other little tidbit to pique my interest is that when you say no to a drink so do others. it’s like a good kind of peer pressure. although my dad says “well this is all a bit boring really” when we are sat at the pub all drinking soda water but it does have a knock on effect and I guess drinking alone is way less fun than in a group so the can’t beat them, join them mantra works both ways. anyhoo for now it works for us. we want to be able to run around with little boss and you can’t do that after a night on the tiles….or as my wise sister-in-law said to my brother “the kids don’t understand a hangover” and she is right, so our febfast might last a while…I wonder how long it will take for wine selectors to stop calling me…
about three weeks ago MrRooben rolled his ball under our bed and i was mortified when i saw how furry it was when I pushed it back out with the pool cue…so I got down on the floor and had a good look under the bed to see what lurked there. this may be a little disturbing to some but I don’t think the bed had been moved since we changed the room configuration about two years ago…fortunately neither of us has a dust allergy because the dust bunnies under our bed were easter bunny mascot size. oh and there was also a phone charger still plugged in from my old blackberry phone…I have had an iPhone since feb 2011…oh my goodness.
anyhoo so I decided while little boss was taking a nap to move the bed and give it a good hoover – what an excellent way to see just how dirty your carpet is, hoover off the dust bunnies and underneath is pristine off white carpet…lucky I was putting the bed back in the same place. so I remove the mattress, no mean feat considering its a king bed, and then I try to move the bed when two of the legs snap clean off. oops. I have a look to see if there is anyway it can be repaired and not a chance. so I hand the dust bunnies over to the cyclonic power of the dyson and once I have removed the other two non broken legs I put the bed and the mattress back in place and hope that Mr B Badger.com has had a tough day at work so wont notice that our bed is almost on the floor…well the middle of the mattress is on the floor. we don’t discover this until very late into the night when I wake up way too close to my husband. last time we were that close we made little boss. the purpose of having a king size bed is so that you can enjoy the company of someone else in the same bed but far enough away so that you don’t have to touch if you don’t want to. the problem we now have is that there is nothing supporting the centre of the slats under the mattress so there is nothing to stop us from meeting in the middle. this is not the biggest issue we now face…well I say we which really means me or I. see I am still getting around on the same knees that started supporting me at 15 months old…I was too chubby to start any earlier and that may have contributed to why I now have to try to build up some momentum before trying to get myself up from what feels like the deepest sumo squat. oh my poor knees. back in my 20’s sleeping on a mattress on the floor was no biggie but now it’s torture and I am feeling every one of those years every time I try to bounce out of bed to attend to little boss. lets face it there aint much bounce left in these knee’s.
I guess the most interesting aspect of my broken bed and sore knee’s story is that 20 years ago if I had told someone my knees were sore and had broken my bed it would have elicited the nudge nudge wink wink say no more type of response where now a days if I look like I am not moving that well and when asked I say “oh my knees are a bit sore…I broke my bed” people say…”were you moving it on your own?”….
yes prank calling is alive and well….in a world where actually picking up the phone to speak to another person has been replaced by instant messaging, texting and email it turns out that a good old prank call is just what some people need for late night amusement. and so it was late last night just as I had managed to finally start to drift off that our home phone rang. now I know I am not the only person who thinks a late night phone call equals bad news – even though this has never happened to me, if hollywood says it happens who am I to argue – so I struggled off the floor, which is where our mattress currently resides, and went to answer the phone. the male caller says “hello, is that mrs wall?” and caught off guard I say “no” to which he replies “well is mr wall there?” which elicits my response of “are you serious” before I hung up. it was less of a question, rather more an explanation of my disappointment at having to get out of bed for such a lame prank call and my lack of quick response. while I lay back in bed I wish I had responded “yes” when asked if I was mrs wall….what would his next move have been? possibly to ask if my refrigerator was running….sad part of this prank call was the lack of sniggering in the background, indicating that perhaps my prank caller was just amusing himself and no others….poor fella maybe I should have indulged him a little further into the call. I don’t get calls like this at home as I have paid for an unlisted number ever since the night I got eleven – yes eleven – calls from different charitable organisations and wine clubs looking for donations. the last time I got a prank call was when I was working as a supervisor for macca’s and I answered the phone at one of our stores at 6am to a heavy breathing gent who told me he was “in the kitchen” to which I responded with “that’s nice” before he went on to explain to me exactly what he was doing to himself in the kitchen…I finished that call by saying “well that doesn’t sound to hygienic, but you have a nice day” seriously at 6am….
little boss is almost crawling. she has mastered the art of sitting and can launch herself into a crawl position but the ability to move forward on hands and knees alludes her. backwards she can do with ease however that’s when her frustration at watching her bongos get further away rather than within reach comes into play. I am conscious of not always moving her or the item she so desperately wants and most of the time a bit of encouragement helps her along….well it actually helps her to scoot under the pool table but at least she’s moving. sometimes it all gets too much and she just face plants, other times she lets her frustration out in the form of a banshee wail that makes me thankful that all our neighbours work day jobs. it is fascinating to watch her try to work things out…whether it’s putting something in her mouth, passing objects from hand to hand, holding her own bottle or trying to feed herself – always amusing – at times I can see the concentration and then the frustration when it doesn’t go according to plan….and the joy when it does. yesterday she took great pleasure in watching me retrieve her dolly off the floor only to kick it back out of the pram again. pretty sure if my legs were in better shape we could have played this game for hours. last week she was lying on her mat while I was in the kitchen and I realised everything had gone quiet – too quiet for me – so I ventured to the mat to find her laying back on a pillow with her sir prance-a-lot book open at the page that has ribbons on it. she was just feeling the ribbons between her thumb and fingers and of course I got emotional thinking how it must be to use your senses for the very first time. i still remember the look on her face the very first time we gave her solid food…the texture and taste must have been so overwhelming yet for us it was just a case of it being the right time to introduce her to the world of food. I really hope she crawls soon so her independence will increase….I know many mums and dads will be thinking be careful what you wish for, and I have had many people tell me how life will change once she starts moving. I welcome these changes…bring it on I say. the inconvenience of childproofing the house will be easily outweighed by the elation on her face when she can finally chase MrRooben around the house. now we just need to get the people at enjo to make knee pads…
so I have always been a cry at movies type but after having little boss my emotions are off the charts…a friend took some pictures of little boss at the weekend and she sent me one through facebook and when I saw it I started to cry…what the? what has happened to me? prior to christmas we received some cards and a letter requesting donations for the wildlife fund to raise money and stop the brutal removal of rhino horns…one of the photos in the pamphlet had a picture of a rhino that had just had its horn hacked off and two things happened – I almost threw up and I burst into tears. Mr B Badger.com came into the room and thought something was really wrong – and to be honest brutalizing an animal like that is very wrong, but most people would empathise, donate and be done. not me. even thinking about it now is making me well up. my parentals were over for dinner a few weeks ago and my mum said “oh did you hear that sad story…” before she could go any further I put up my hand and said don’t tell me.
I have always been affected by certain things…random movie scenes, some david bowie songs, cruelty to animals but nothing like the range I have now. I think my hormones must be going a bit bonkers because this is very similar to how I was in the first couple of weeks little boss was home with us and I couldn’t even watch some ads on the telly without blubbing. The other night I was just mindlessly watching the telly – no idea what was on it – and the movie Green Mile started. I haven’t seen that film since it came out at the movies about 1999ish but virtually as soon as it started I started and rather than change the channel I just sat there with tears rolling down my cheeks feeling so sad for people who don’t even exist – what is going on????