wonder weeks….wonder if I will make it

so little K Doggy just went through leap 4 of the wonder weeks and what an experience it was. I remembered reading about the wonder weeks while spending an obscene amount of time online waiting for K Dogg to arrive.

“Dutch doctors Frans Plooj & Dr Hetty van de Rijt came up with the term ‘wonder weeks’ to describe the mental developmental leaps babies experience in their first 20 months of life. These leaps occur at 10 specific times, and Plooj and van de Rijt found that the leaps they were related to brain and nervous system changes, enabling babies to broaden their perceptual and sensory awareness after each leap”

so leap 4 occurs anytime between 14.5 and 19.5 weeks and for K Doggy it was week 19 based on her due date not actual birth date. anyhoo so tuesday morning I was wondering where my usually happy, chatty and normal baby had disappeared to and why had she been replaced by this grumpy, fussy, crying, screaming, grunting, frustrated, clingy, hungry then not and unable to settle, crazy baby. was she teething? did she have colic? had she been bitten by something – we have quite a good supply of red back spiders on hand – or even worse was this karma getting me back for secretly gloating about how great she has been? so tuesday was pretty bad but wednesday really took me to a bad place. we were meant to go to our active parenting class at 11am and I was really looking forward to meeting some new peeps and giving K Dogg some time in the hydro pool…at 1030 she was still inconsolable so we sat on the lounge all day. I didn’t eat and I didn’t shower. the only reason I moved off the couch was to get K Dogg some more food – which she didn’t eat – and to change her nappy. I had some homeopathic for teething relief so I gave her some of that just in case it was teething and she slept solidly, but on my lap. I felt like some crazy person with wild hair and food caught in my teeth even though I hadn’t eaten since the previous night. imagine my despair when Mr B Badger.com messaged to say that he had been asked to work back…oh my god are you serious? why today? anyhoo so while I was sat on the lounge I was making google my friend and once again stumbled across the wonder weeks information. I think my google search was for “clingy, crying, screaming, 4 month old baby” and as I read the information and the comments from other mums it all came back to me….I just had to get her – and me – through the next days and she would be back to her old self but with some new mad skills to practise. so when my hard-working husband walked through the door at 5pm he took one look at me and said “go have a shower, love” I must have looked real bad cause he was really dirty and sweaty and having worked in the same industry the last thing you want to do is spend anymore time than is absolutely necessary in your heavy uniform covered in steel dust and sweat. so I hoovered down a chicken sandwich and washed the stink off me and armed with this new information about little K Dogg and her new leap I felt less anxious and able to continue for as long as it takes.

by saturday she was back to her old, but new and improved, self. she has a nap in the morning now….not for long just a 45 minute break but then she is able to box on for quite a while. she is very chatty and even more observant than before. her grasping skills are better and her ability to get something into her mouth without stabbing herself in the eye has improved. she is starting to notice how the things that she touches move and she repeats this. but she is not so good on her tummy…she does a mean superman and rocks back and forward on her tummy but the mini push up she should be executing is yet to come…maybe she wont be a crawler, preferring instead to just walk. in all honestly that would be more hygienic given the tumbleweeds of Mr Roobens hair that roll around our floors we may end up with two fur kids if we let her loose on these floors…

high brow, low brow, no brow….

so what an interesting time I have had this past week. getting the mail has become decidedly unsavoury and a task that I think Mr B Badger.com and I will soon end up competing rock, paper, scissors style to see who makes the unfortunate journey. so knowing that things are just a tad cosy in our budget right now I thought I would save some pennies by waxing my own eyebrows…interesing concept on saving considering that it probably only costs about $15 for me to get them waxed but it would seem my brain is still otherwise engaged and logic is no longer my friend. anyhoo so I decided on the latest from sue ismeil and daughters and purchased the nads wand. now, I have a face that needs eyebrows. short hair with no fringe – or bangs for my american pals – means I really need to have something between my hairline and my eyes. so I get the wand and dial it up, put the “wax” on and then smooth on the strip and then in one quick flick of my de quervains affected wrist I am left with what i can only describe as brow interupted….I have three eyebrows now. two small ones above my left eye and one regular, and out of fear, untouched, one above my right eye. it seems that when i spread the wax I accidentally spread it through the centre of my brow….oops. but I saved $4 in total so job well done.

my conversations this weekend ran the gamut from high brow to low brow – usually it’s the lower end of low brow – anyhoo so we covered off the US Presidential Campaign, boat people, muslim faith, the cost of living, event management in western australia, mirrored sunglasses, MrRoobens poo circles and front wiping versus back wiping. Yep that’s right, the conversation once again went down the toilet – literally. so event management in western australia….head over to the east coast to see how it’s done over there peeps. put it this way they wouldn’t run out of hot food and cold beverages ever let alone at lunch time. and seriously if you are going to charge that much for a can of scotch and dry and a chicken sandwich at least make sure they are available and cold. mirrored sunglasses are my fathers fall back conversation when he has been told to stop talking about people with tattoo’s. I don’t care about tattoo’s and I figure it’s your skin if you want to draw on it then knock yourself out, but I tend to agree with dad when he says that there is a certain sense of frustration when trying to carry out a conversation with a person wearing mirrored sunnies….are they looking at me or are they simply doing the nod and smile while surveying the scenery – they could be asleep under there who knows? MrRooben is incapable of doing his business in one area. most dogs will squat and empty MrWhippy style but not MrRooben. he drops a bit, snaps it off, takes a quarter turn and repeats until he has completed a full circle and what should have been one poo for us to pick up is now four…see what I mean about low brow?? at least he doesn’t have to back up onto a bush like MAC Dog – he’s the psycho kelpie residing with my parentals. and then we get the perils of wiping your bum – do you front wipe or back wipe? this was last nights post dinner conversation and it was a treat. who would have thought you could carry on a discussion about something you should probably never even talk about over the dinner table? what a joy. I get to see my brother very rarely and when we do see each other, once we have caught up on all the usual suspects, we end up talking about wrong stuff – like wiping your arse. one of our past conversations was if you could remember going from no pubes to having pubes…did you get one or two or wake up one morning with a full power muff? who can remember? most people are probably tut tutting right now and using alot of “D” words to describe our behaviour – disgusting, disgraceful, disappointing etc but I reckon after you have popped down from your great height you will think about the pubic hair one…

other topics for the weekend included….is the american green card really green? and the answer is yes and why is the black box coloured orange and the answer is so it is easy to spot amongst the wreckage and the bright orange paint is flame proof. so there you go it’s not all about the toilet sometimes we cover off banal topics that don’t gross people out….

if you happen to see me in the next couple of weeks please try not to focus on my munted eyebrow too much and remember I saved a whole $4 on that job…

I love dan quayle….

this was k doggs first sound alike sentence…while she was playing in her playpen and we were watching on while drinking coffee little k dogg put some sounds together that resembled the phrase I love dan quayle. and who wouldn’t love dan? a man whose quotes while serving as vice pres to bush include “I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy — but that could change.” and “If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” and “We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.” oh my god I could go on and on, what gems of wisdom. reminds me of a guy I worked with who came up with such pearls in meetings such as “where we’re at is where we’re at” and “it is what it is” and my personal fave “I need to know what I need to know so that my people know what they need to know” we dubbed these pearls of wisdom as walkerisms – his surname is walker – and as it is customary in our culture we took the piss out of him at every opportunity and in good form he took it all on the chin. but he was just one dude in a management role for a steel company…not the vice preso of the old US of A, how I would have loved to have worked with Dan if only to take the total piss out of his ridiculous quotes.

anyhoo – k dogg is coming up for four months old and I think I miss being pregnant…not the baby in the belly feeling so much as the – it’s ok to be huge – feeling. lets just say that getting the motivation and energy to snap back into shape is proving to be a little harder than I had originally thought. and while I am sure Mel B just adored the taste of Jenny Craig’s food I prefer mine to taste more like food and less like it should be consumed by astronauts and produced in a lab. likewise I don’t have gunnar petersen on speed dial so any exercise or training program I undertake will be of my own doing. unfortunately if I did have a spare hour or two of waking time I would actually prefer to spend it asleep than lifting heavy things. right now I think I need sleep more than anything else. even though little k dogg is sleeping through the night, I am not. I spend quite a bit of my time listening to her breathing and worrying if she has a snuffly nose, when I do actually sleep my dreams are vivid and scary – last week I was chased by a lion and awoke exhausted, of course – not to mention that I share a bed with a man who sounds like a drag car while sleeping. I really feel for women that have to return to work so soon after giving birth – I would be like the walking dead if I was at work right now and I am sure my boss would be less than impressed if I used my time at work as my nap time. it’s a catch 22 really. I know that if I exercised more I would feel more energised but I am completely knackered so even the thought of exercising makes me want to take a nap. oh well I will try to make an effort…it would be easier if I hadn’t been such a big hole and enrolled in four units of my diploma course this semester. two would have been plenty and then I could also have done a bit more “me” stuff but noooooo why enrol in only two when you can enrol in four units and look after a baby, and yourself and a husband and a dog and a house – what a freaking lunatic I must be.

so the western australian government launches its sex offender website today. really if they are that bad that you need to see who they are and get them publicly outed then shouldnt they be locked up?


my clip on koala…

its been a long time between posts and I have missed being able to sit down and just think about barrybadger and nothing else. see about a week ago, maybe more, my lovely baby girl who loved her father and her pram and basically anyone else who paid her attention became my clip on koala. for followers outside australia we have these little tourist momentos that look like a mini koala bear and you can clip them onto your clothing with their paws…FYI the koala is not really a bear. so I have my very own clip on koala in the form of k dogg who just loves me to bits and wants to be by my side morning noon and night. now I am jubilant that she thinks I am the cats whiskers but for small portions of time it would be nice to just be me again. when I do put her down to play I can feel her watching me through the mesh of her pack n play and if she loses sight of me whoa nelly does she let me know and then when I come back into sight she gives me a smile that makes everything else seem worthless. when we first bought her home from hospital it was Mr B Badger.com that was the comforter. I would be walking around making all the right noises, doing all the right pat patting and then, once I had lost the ability to hear, I would hand her over and within nano seconds – even a jiffy – she would be quiet and in most cases asleep on his shoulder. was this a bit like trying to open a jar then when you hand it to someone else they seem to open it effortlessly and you say “I must have loosened it”? had I already pre exhausted k dogg so that as soon as she went to a new – and much bigger – shoulder she just fell asleep? whatever it was the opposite is happening now. Mr B Badger.com gives it a good shot only to appear at my side with an apologetic look on his face and a crying baby in his arms. two things that probably don’t help are k dogg is a power napper. she can be a total grump arse, have a fifteen minute power nap, and wake up like she has just spent a week in a wellness retreat. the other thing that affects her is that she gets what can only be described as stimulation hangovers. see we can be out or can have visitors and she is the picture of perfection and then when the visitors are gone or we are home from our outing little k dogg just cant quit and while what she really needs is sleep it is the farthest from her mind, preferring instead to cry and scream until eventually at about 9pm she will submit and go to sleep. the following day is basically a repeat of the previous night…my dad reckons we should just continually take her out if that’s when she is at her best! mmmm writing about taking her out has just reminded me that I need to wash the covers on her car capsule from her poo explosion while we were out on sunday – nothing like cleaning poo off your babies back while out to lunch to make you feel like you wish you had stayed home….

48 hour protection…

while our guests were staying with us Mr B Badger.com and I shared a bathroom and I havent been motivated to move my stuff back into the main bathroom so we continue to share. it’s been a few years since we have shared and a couple of things have amused me recently. one is that I think, judging by the condition of the shower glass, that when Mr B Badger.com washes his hair and body he must thrash around like he is covered in bee’s – not body wash. the glass is covered from top to bottom in splashes of soapy residue. I have tried to replicate this and I can confirm that the only way to get the shower glass this messy is to lather up and wave your arms like you just don’t care. I have left a cloth in the shower recess as a subtle hint that maybe after every couple of showers he could wipe down the glass but so far the view beyond the glass gets blurrier by the day so I best get my A into G and move back into my bathroom. we all have our bathroom issues – the reason he hates sharing a bathroom with me is I am a serial leaver outer. yes there are perfectly good cupboards that I could put all my lotions and potions into but why bother when tomorrow I am just going to get them all out again?? anyway the other thing that caught my eye while all this bathroom cohabitation is going on is that my husbands anti perspirant offers 48 hour protection….why? if you have to wear it for 48 hours you need a shower not protection, because quite frankly if you havent showered for 48 hours no one will come near you so protection is the least of your worries. is this just advertising gone mad? if it can protect you for 48 hours against the dreaded B.O then what the hell do they put in it? cause I know that I am a pretty hygienic person who doesn’t normally stink but it wouldn’t matter how much protection my anti perspirant offered, at the end of a cycling class I am pretty much guaranteed that nobody will approach me unless they have that stuff that coroners use to block the smell under their nose. no amount of “protection” can hide the fact that after 45 minutes of pretending to cycle up hill while shouting “all aboard, the night train” most people smell like they have been dug up by the dog – and if you don’t then you probably didn’t work hard enough…or your 48 hour protection actually works.

well new diet starts tomorrow…actually it’s an old diet that worked so it starts again tomorrow. since I stopped breast-feeding I have put on 4 kilos so now I only have 26 to lose yippee for me. so all those peeps in the RPM classes better get prepared for two things…one I have already covered – I will stink afterwards – the other is that the size of my arse makes Kim Kardashian’s look quite small so I will apologise in advance to the people on the bikes behind me…there will be a lot of movement in the weeks to come.