australia…land down under and home to skippy, hoges and steve irwin to name a few. such a beautiful land girt by sea…says so in the national anthem. anyhoo what it doesn’t say is some of the most beautiful sea cannot be entered due to the poisonous creatures that call it home. salt water crocodiles, box jellyfish, great white sharks to name a few. so if you are worried about swimming in the ocean stay home it’s sure to be safe there….not according to the very large snake crossing the road not far from here early last week or the redback spider hanging out on our toilet door at 5am this morning. it is fair to say that we have our share of spiders here. we cleaned the pool furniture last week and destroyed seven redbacks off one lounger. so they are not aggressive and to healthy adults will not kill but we now have a 16 month old dynamo who would feel the full brunt of a redbacks poison – it’s a chance we are not willing to take. I only know one person who has been bitten by a redback….so it’s fairly unlikely to happen to us. little boss is another kettle of fish….she plays in the garden beds, investigates under the barby and sticks her legs through the pool fence so I find myself dragging her away and telling her “no” much more than I like. they’re not aggressive but if a food source presents itself surely they’d have a crack….
the interesting fact about redbacks that we recently learned is that the daddy-long-legs spider is known to catch and eat the redback spider so that could explain the masses of daddy-long-legs spiders that we have hanging out in every nook and cranny of our house – inside and out – I just wish they would start feasting….come on daddy-long-legs get busy, I say, the more they eat the less I have to kill. at least we don’t have funnel-web spiders here….by far the most impressive spider in oz, just keep them on the east coast. while I was looking for information on the redback I stumbled across a website that had an article about our “lucky country” titled The Animals that make Australia the Death Trap it is….clearly not written by an Australian and an article that received more comments for its poor grammar than content…as a visitor I guess you would sleep with one eye open – just not your mouth – as an aussie you just deal with it….that’s why our national footwear is the thong…as I was heard asking Mr B Badger.com at stupid o’clock “pass me a thong will ya, there’s a redback on the door”
so without going into too much detail – I haven’t been all that well over the past week or so. it’s been pretty ugly and I have spent more time in the toilet than I care to mention. put it this way – the doctor asked me how many toilets we have…anyhoo I am sure you get my drift. so as part of my recent health misfortune I had to collect “stool” samples. yep that’s right folks…I had to collect samples from three of my poo’s and put it into little jars – that thankfully aren’t see through like the wee jars – and drop it into the collection centre. so my blog may have just sunk to a low point when I find myself discussing poo collection. I won’t go into the details of how it’s done – if you have ever had to do it you don’t want me reminding you and if you have never had to do it you don’t want to know – lets just say it’s not pleasant. it’s even less pleasant when you have a crying, teething toddler who desperately wants to be with you….everywhere. anyway so this whole ordeal got me thinking….about the good people who choose to work in the labs that perform diagnostic testing on bodily excretions. I take my hat off to them and I sincerely hope they are remunerated accordingly. I don’t know how they do it. I struggled to get the sample, and it’s my own. I couldn’t imagine fronting up to work each day to find a new batch of jars waiting to be opened. it’s a good thing they do though because without these fearless people we would never get results of what ails us.
so I apologise if you have read this and now feel a little disgusted by the content – I’ll admit it is a bit “low brow” to discuss these types of things and I could have come up with something more insightful to write about however for over a week now I have been pondering the body and its many functions and regardless of whether you want to read about it or not it happens. and if it happens to me I write about it.
the up shot of all this is that I am much better now – thank you. thanks also to the antibiotics I will be toasting my 42nd birthday with orange juice.
keep healthy – and please keep following…I promise I wont mention poo jars again.
so apparently sweat is bad….so bad that you can now get a panty liner so you avoid those “embarrassing” sweat patches down there. that means there are now pads for menstruation – with different flow rates, with or without wings – pads for that “in-between time”, pads for light bladder leakage – or lbl – , maternity pads, night-time pads, undies with in-built pads and now sweaty vagina pads. I can understand almost all of the many pads on offer but I draw the line at sweaty vagina pads. how sweaty does it get that you need a pad? and I am guessing that if you can see the sweat then the pants must be quite fitted and therefore you run the risk of people no longer staring at your sweaty vagine as they can’t get past the pad you’re wearing. last time I checked sweat is the body’s way of ridding itself of toxins and to trap that in your pants for any length of time could be dodgy at best. I don’t mind a bit of sweat…in actual fact, while exercising, I welcome it as a way to know that I am working hard enough to hopefully turn my two arses into one. most of my gym gear is black – well the pants at least so I am not particularly worried about sweaty vagina patches. in fact I am not really all that worried about much while exercising, least of all is how I look. back in the eighties when it was all shiny tights, G-string leotards and white reebok high tops it was more about the look, less about the input. now it is all about comfort and function – for me anyway. I think these new pads – and yes I know they are referred to as liners but I come from a generation that didn’t have all the choices that are available now, we had the same pads regardless of flow, those same pads did the job at night as well and we dealt with “the in-between time” pad free – so these new pads are just making money for the manufacturer and making exercising women feel that their sweat is bad or embarrassing. embrace the sweat, I say. be proud of your effort and let your sweat show – here are a few tips though if you are genuinely concerned about your sweat patches….never wear grey and always carry a towel.
my sense of smell has been on high alert since I was at about five months pregnant and I have been waiting for it to return to its usual, normal, state…unfortunately it is taking its sweet time. I have been fascinated by the amount of people who try to inhale babies and claim that they have a smell…even with my ultra sensitive nose I am hard pressed to identify this eau du baby and I am wondering if the reason lies in the products I use when bathing and changing little boss. I am thinking that maybe the “baby smell” might be more Johnson’s and Johnson’s less actual baby. it’s that scent of baby powder that triggers something in our memories that says new baby. I continue to smell little boss and sometimes she smells clean but fragrance free and at other times she smells like sweat mixed with avocado and a hint of vegemite depending on how much goes in her mouth versus her hair. my sense of smell is so out of whack that I can smell when my neighbour has put his antiperspirant on in the morning…he may as well be using our bathroom it’s that strong to me. recently our financial position has changed due to my new stay at home mum status and we are therefore looking for new ways to spend less or save more whichever way you want to play it. anyhoo I needed some soap or shower gel so I head to woollies and check out whats on special, deciding on the shea butter and something something shower “milk”. I used it for the first time this morning and let’s just say I am glad I only paid $3.39 for that bad boy cause it’s going straight to the trash. not sure when shea butter started to smell like a cross between domestos and vanilla fridge cleaner…anyhoo off it goes into the bin and off I go back to the shop for a good old cake of goats milk soap which, given our finances, I should make myself. laughable that I will spend the money on buying chemical free products for little boss yet just purchased what amounted to bleach and phosphates for myself, not sure where my heads at some days. what I do know is that my olfactory system rejects any smell that is artificial…like those plug-in air “fresheners”…here’s the tip if you want fresh air, open a window, if you want “fragranced” air try essential oils. at least these have been extracted from the actual plant or flower you want your house to smell like. trust me, and my nose, the vanilla plug-in smells nothing like vanilla and there’s a reason why so many people think lavender smells like toilet spray.
now if my mum is reading this, and eventually she will, she is probably waiting for me to make reference to her pantry so at the risk of outing her for crimes against vegetables I will just say that deep in her pantry lies an evil so strong that I held my breath while looking for the sugar…and actually contemplated a brew without it. my dad could empty the contents and find whatever has died in there but like all good husbands he stands there with the door open looking in and asking “what smells in here?” heads up dad….if she knew what it was, it would be gone by now, bless him.
there is one thing that has been on my nose/mind recently and it’s the adverts for glen 20…you spray it around and it “masks” odours and kills bacteria….mmmmm if there are odours wouldn’t you rather go to the source and get rid of it rather than spray a bit of glen 20 around it and hope for the best? and now there are motion activated sprays that will only spray when you enter the room….awesome sniff up those chemicals…seriously how bad does the house smell that you need to make the air smell like fake freesia whenever you enter the room. and how much do we trust the companies that make these things that they are not creating havoc on our cells….yes I am ever the sceptic but surely we have more and more people diagnosed with disease and disorders now than 40 or 50 years ago before all the “luxuries” of our fast paced world were born….I best stop now otherwise what started as a light-hearted romp through my nostrils will end with us feeling depressed about the world we live in. enjoy the long weekend if you are in western Australia, feel free to envy us if you’re not.
yesterday I went to the podiatrist and he told me I need to keep my foot elevated, with a heat pack and rest. I did not respond verbally, preferring to raise one eyebrow at him and wonder if he had noticed the 11 month old wriggling around in the pram beside me. when MrB Badger.com got home he asked for the report and then declared “since you’ve had her you’re cracking up”. he’s from the north of England what can I say. he does have a point though and while I rarely feel my age – probably due to refusal to grow up – this morning as my heavily taped foot hit the floor I felt every one of my 41+ years. the doc thinks it tendonitis bought on by my ridiculous obsession with wanting to be a runner…I had only just started to do a bit of interval training to build up my cardio fitness again and my feet tell me otherwise. these feet that have been through some pretty dodgy fashion choices and have the bunions to show for it have finally decided to send me a message – stop running. the message is so clear that even walking is a challenge right now but that could be the tape. my dear husbands point about me cracking up is exactly how I feel. I am clumsy beyond belief and my hands are still not fully recovered from the tenosynovitis I had many months ago…current injuries include one finger caught in the pram harness and a stab wound to my palm as I tried to catch a knife that fell from the knife magnet. actually now that I think about it maybe the clumsy has been with me forever…when I was a kid if I ever forgot my house key I would take the window screen off the kitchen window and let myself in. I remember one day I could only find a very small screw driver to do the job and it kept slipping out of the screw and I got so frustrated I threw the screw driver…when I looked to retrieve it imagine my surprise as I saw it sticking out of the soft flesh in the arch of my foot – I have the scar as a reminder of my stupidity.
in all my reading about pregnancy and babies and stuff I missed the bit about how much having a child can impact your body and how age plays a part in your recovery. it’s all about the changes the baby goes through during the pregnancy and then how to manage with the baby when you get home. what about the mum who ends up with tendons and ligaments as loose as nanna undies and teeth that threaten to bankrupt the family if you can find time to visit the dentist. the same changes occur regardless of the age of the mother it’s the body’s ability to recover that changes with age and right about now I am wishing that prior to falling pregnant I was in peak physical condition so I could snap back into shape and not have any of these injury woes ahhh hindsight what a wonderful way to make you feel like a failure. anyhoo once I have recovered I will go back to doing what I know and that is lifting heavy things in the gym and riding a bike for cardio, no more running for me….excellent news.
who was the genius that decided women needed to boost their general knowledge while suffering through yet another menstrual cycle?? tonight’s gem of wisdom bought to me by libra good nights with wings was rats can swim for one kilometre without drowning and can tread water for up to three days excellent news. I have a suggestion…how about you put the money spent on printing trivia snippets onto adhesive backing paper into finding an effective treatment for women who suffer from debilitating and unexplained period pain – it’s just a thought, and I’m putting it out there.
anyhoo today marked the start of swim school for little boss. for me it was a day when I realised I need to brush up on my children’s song lyrics. I am good with old mac donald and the wheels on the bus and I can even crack out a little green frog when the time comes but the award for mother of the year will not come my way if singalongs are part of the criteria…shame really cause I have been known to carry a tune. as usual I digress, so I wasn’t sure if we would be able to go to this first lesson as little boss has had a cold and I am not a fan of sharing when it comes to germs. I started looking for remedies to try to alleviate her blocked nose which was keeping her up at night and came across a naturopath in Manchester who used her own kids as lab rats for her many wacky remedies. she says to take a three-pronged attack – with onions. yep onions – who knew? so her suggestion is sliced onions in cotton socks ensuring the onion is on the soles of the feet – while you sleep, yeah? not while wearing your nikes – sliced onions in a bowl by the bed at night and a broth made with – you guessed it – onions. anyways so little boss is a bit young for onion broth and I couldn’t see how she could handle onions in socks so I chose a single assault and put sliced onion by her bed. the nights prior to this she had been waking hourly and I had to aspirate her nose and calm her down before it would all start again. night one at the house of onion she slept from 8.30pm until 3.30am and then from 4am to 7am and I felt like a new woman. a smelly onion woman, but one who had just had six straight hours of sleep. I went out the next day and bought more onions….put that on a libra pad – it might not come up at your next quiz night but at least it could be deemed helpful to a woman who, after consuming the recommended daily dose of nurofen plus in one handful, would benefit from a few hours relief from being a human Kleenex.
so good ol’ joan armatrading sang “show some emotion, put expression in your eyes, light up if you’re feeling happy, but if it’s sad then let those tears roll down” thank you joan. I had the first of many acupuncture treatments on saturday and, fingers crossed, I can start showing a little less emotion. I don’t want to end up like hymie from get smart but somewhere in the middle would make a refreshing change. ahhh hormones don’t you just love the highs and lows that they bring. I have been waiting for things to improve and have been pulling out all the tricks I know to bring on the happy hormones and banish the sad. heaps of exercise, good food, no alcohol – some would argue this may be the problem – and generally looking after myself. so why then do I still feel everything – and I mean really feel? I had some blood tests that reveal elevated liver enzymes which comes as no surprise to me…and would explain a lot when you look at how traditional chinese medicine practitioners look at liver disharmony. so I am under the treatment of the good dr.pete once again and if this fails I may have to take on some sensitivity training terry tate style – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17jplpjCaec –
so today I was on my way to hang out with my mother in law and had to drive through a local school zone….so down the speed goes until I reach the 40kph I am allowed to do. there was a dude in front of me doing his 40kph as well so all was going according to plan when for some bizarre reason he just turned right, without warning or indication, and mounted the kerb. I thought this was a bit of a random act considering that directly in front of him were some kiddies on their way to school and even they stopped to see what he was up to. turns out he was just parking his car…on the sidewalk. now I work in an extremely safety conscious industry so when I see people doing crazy stuff like this I really want to harm them. not literally of course. this kind of behaviour outside schools has not bothered me in the past but now that we have little boss I am starting to see a whole range of issues that do blow my hair back. parking on the kerb really gets me going…especially when I have to wheel little boss onto the road to get around a car. people blocking our driveway…that gets my goat to. I guess having all this time off has given me cause to think about a few things – pondering what sort of behaviours I want to instill into little boss. Mr B Badger.com would say what I need to do is stop belching like a truckie….and he’s right, of course. unless I get offered a part in a hangover style movie there is really no need for me to let it rip like I am burping for australia. what I am thinking about is more like the park on the kerb type of stuff…thinking about how my actions might impact on another human being. maybe I am just getting soft – the amount of crying at random stuff would definitely indicate this is the case – or maybe I am just hoping that in some karmic way that by altering my behaviours it will have an impact on the things that affect me….for example if I stop burping like a bum crack exposing tradie maybe Mr B Badger.com will start saying three, throw and through instead of free, frow and frough….he wont be happy to read that but seriously what sort of english do they teach in england?? my theory on giving compliments rather than complaints seems to be working….now whenever I visit my local coffee shop they already know what I want and have started preparing before I order so I don’t have to wait and the service is always friendly so lets see if I can get the wheels in motion to change some other stuff…
so I just bought a magazine rack for my toilet wall. I am sick of leaving the magazines on the floor so on my most recent trip to ikea I spotted the rack and thought what a brilliant idea. but now I am thinking…is reading in the toilet a taboo? is it something that people do but they don’t talk about and therefore they don’t put a magazine rack in the actual toilet to advertise the fact that its okay to read here. take your time enjoy the hospitality and flick through the latest better homes and gardens. seriously it’s not really the most comfortable seat in the house and depending on your habits it can get a little aromatic to say the least but there is something about going to the toilet that just says leave me the hell alone. it’s probably the one place where no one – in their right mind – would disturb you. if reading on the toilet is such a gross habit then why is it that companies use the back of toilet doors to place their adverts? or people waste perfectly good lip liner writing drunken crap on the toilet door for others to read? or better still why are companies that manufacture women’s pads now printing trivia snippets on the adhesive backing paper for you to read while visiting the toilet during our menstrual cycle…we women are multi taskers aren’t we? anyhoo feel free to judge me if it so pleases you but if you do read while sitting on the throne and, like me, you are not happy with the old magazine on the floor trick head on down to ikea and for a mere $19.95 you can have wall mounted reading material available for those times when you need to escape your loved ones…