so yesterday was pretty rough. I didn’t get enough sleep the previous night, Kenzi spent the best part of the day in pain with wind and I had to start my Diploma of HR Management online…add to that my dearly beloved husband walked in the door at 2.30pm and said “mmm what happened in the kitchen?” closely followed by “you’re still in your pyjamas?!” oh I felt a melt down coming on. not only was I still in my pj’s but I had a sticky patch of drool and snot on my shoulder from where my poor baby girl had spent a good portion of her day crying and screaming trying to bust out some burps or farts, the latter of which she is usually pretty good at. oh and every surface of the kitchen had something on it that needed cleaning. not sure how we manage to use that many dishes but hey we did and they were all left on the bench tops as proof. anyhoo so I called the health nurse to discuss our windy girl and she advised I go to the chemist but to chose the preparation that I felt most comfortable with not what they recommend…so off I go. the chemist asks me all the questions under the sun then gives me a crash course in baby positioning while breast feeding to avoid wind then finally gets to the products available. so this one does this, that one does that and that one is the same as this one. a bit further along the shelf I notice a homeopathic preparation for colic and I ask if that would be any good – not because I wanted to know whether it would be good or not, just to see what her response would be. she replies ” ahh thats a homeopathic” so I asked again if it would do the trick and she said “probably not, it’s just a homeopathic” so thats the one I bought. I knew it was a homeopathic and it was what I would have purchased had I not asked her in the first place. the only reason I did ask was because I cant bear to wander around the store blankly staring at the shelves trying to figure out where things are. so fast forward to today and I was up bright and early at 5am sent scotty off to work with some toast and his lunch and made myself a cup of tea before feeding miss kenzi. then I waited for her to start screaming in pain as the wind inside her struggled to find a way out but nothing happened…she had a bit of a whinge while I was burping her but nothing like the previous days efforts. so to continue the day in a calm and peaceful way I put the classical music channel on foxtel, lit my rejuvenate candle from dusk and set about my studies while kenzi slept peacefully. and thats the way the day continued…thank you brauer for your homeopathic wonder, heres hoping tomorrow offers more of the same household harmony…
well actually anywhere between 1am and 4am is pretty on trend now at my place. seems that these are the hours to par-tay when you are only nine weeks old and don’t really care if anyone gets any sleep. lucky for us we live in western australia which means we don’t really get winter so being up at this time does not involve the wearing of scarves and beanies to keep warm. even still it’s not all that cute when a kicking smiling baby is staring at you wide-eyed at 3am and showing no signs of slowing down but I can’t have it all…yesterday I met my husband after he had played golf and we had a lovely lunch and some fine NZ Sav Blanc – yes do gooders I had expressed a feed earlier – and our little girl stayed asleep for the entire time so I got to enjoy the lunch almost as much as I would have BB – that’s before baby, remember?. I say almost as much because lunch BB would have involved more Sav Blanc followed by more of something similar at home or at a pub – yesterday it was a couple of glasses followed by water, peppermint tea and a sprite zero go hard girl. so I realise I can’t have it all…cant sit and enjoy a quiet lunch with my sleeping baby and expect to be able to sleep through the night and since her disturbance at night only affects scotty and I not an entire restaurant full of people I know what I would prefer. still its hard to have that realisation as I walk zombie like through a dark house in the wee hours of the morning…
so since our little bundle arrived we have looked at our house and discussed some of the changes that we will need to make in order to make it a safe and fun environment for us all. one of these changes is to provide some shade over our pool which in summer gets the full sun and all its power. not good for our skin let alone that of a newbie. so I put out some online enquiries to see if I could get some people out to quote us for shade sails…that was two weeks ago and I still had not heard from any of them so yesterday I sent some more enquiries and this morning received an email….this company can provide a quote. all I have to do is send off a site plan, photos of the area, description of what is required and dimensions…now call me crazy but isn’t that what they are supposed to do when providing a quote?? should I respond with “how about you send me your labour cost per hour, materials cost to the customer and estimated hours to complete the job and I will provide myself with a quote” what a liberty! consequently the other company that called me this morning and is sending a guy out this afternoon to measure up and provide a quote will probably get the job if the price is close to right. seriously though where has service gone? are people making that much money that they don’t give a rats about word of mouth advertising? is it just a western australian thing or is customer service indifference an epidemic sweeping our nation? I am not sure if it would bother me as much if stuff was cheaper…maybe it would just annoy me slightly rather than make my blood pressure rise…obviously I have issues.
I can understand why women give up on breastfeeding and switch to formula – there I said it, the other “f” word. breastfeeding is not easy and doesn’t come naturally. little myffyn is nine weeks old this friday and I have only just got the hang of it. to be perfectly honest I am a little disappointed…during my pregnancy I had fantasized about getting massive porno tits once my milk came in and the truth is I have the same small boobs I have always had. my dad reminds me that at least when I am in my 60’s they will still be on my chest and not tucked into my pants. so my efforts with feeding havent been all that fab and at times it has been very tempting to switch to formula especially on the days when she wants to feed hourly or more and I have felt tied to the house – I haven’t mastered the art enough to take it public. the reason I havent made the switch is the wind the small amounts of formula I have given her create. seriously farts are funny, but huge man farts coming out of a 4.5kg lightweight are kind of funny the first couple of times but when one bottle of formula causes wind that lasts for a whole day I can only imagine the turmoil going on inside her. so we continue to persist with the breastfeeding and it wont be that long before she is introduced to solids…formula is definitely a word you don’t want to utter in front of the health nurse or the midwives. I get the feeling they would use the disapproving tone while grilling you about your reasons for not breastfeeding…I mean yesss breast is best but the determination required to persevere with breastfeeding when you also have to contend with sleep deprivation and getting used to a baby can be a bit difficult to maintain. and I get that it’s not actually about me and how I feel it’s about giving her the best possible start in life but as my besty said to me – happy mum, happy baby…the nurses, doctors and midwives can all be a judgemental as they like while they are living their life and not mine so if I do chose to stop breastfeeding in the near future it’s a choice I will make for myself and myffyn not them.
so yesterday I went on a rant about my online grocery shopping and how they messed up my order. I am happy to report that they responded to my email and will be refunding the items I should have received. they did offer to deliver them but I didn’t think it was worth getting the truck out for a packet of croissants and some chicken rissoles…so I will see how they go next week – or I might just go back to doing it myself…
yesterday I took my little farty pants to have her first round of immunisation needles…that’s after I had spent the morning being physically ill at the thought of injecting who knows what into our little doo dah. now I do like a bit of worry and stress in my life, hell who doesn’t right? so I had done quite a bit of research into the pro’s and con’s of immunisation and found it’s quite a touchy subject for a lot of people, both for and against. turns out this parenting gig can get a bit controversial at times and there are a few more topics that should be otherwise avoided at dinner parties than politics and religion. immunisation is one of these topics. it seems quite strange to me that it would even be a discussion topic since it is almost compulsory to participate in the national immunisation program, not much to talk about really. anyway our little doo dah got a jab in each leg and one vaccine orally – which she liked the taste of – then we waited just in case she had a reaction. her “reaction” to the source of my stress and worry was to have a feed and go to sleep. so I understand the need for immunisation and having had whooping-cough as an adult I can only imagine how deadly it could be for a baby but I just don’t trust the pharma companies that make the vaccines. anyhoo so she had her jabs and didn’t have any major reaction and has slept through the night for the past two nights so good-o and here’s hoping that goes for a few more days cause I exhausted myself stressing about getting her needles so I need some more sleep!
so to the title of this post…I really dislike shopping. yes I am definitely a woman and I really dislike shopping of any kind. grocery, gift, clothing whatever it is I don’t like it. grocery shopping is my least favourite – it’s the other people shopping slowly, the people who ride around in those motorised carts that are to big for the aisles, the stacks of stuff on special placed at the end of each aisle, the 30 check-outs with only 6 open and the fact that the whole place seems refrigerated. so now that I am home most days I decided to get my groceries delivered and have been doing so for the past three weeks. so week one I told anyone who would listen – and some that wouldn’t – how fantastic this new shopping experience was and how everyone should get on board. why battle it out from carpark to checkout if you can just open your front door and have your stuff delivered right to your kitchen? so week two delivery was all good until I got to saturday and when I got my juice out of the fridge the container felt a bit bloated so I checked the use by date and it was out of date – I got an awesome three days to drink two litres of juice which ended up getting consumed by the drain. oh well not to worry….then this weeks order arrived and it turns out I may have to go back to dodging motorised carts and promo stacks cause stuff I ordered isn’t there and stuff I didn’t want is and if it was a case of substitution I could probably understand but when I ordered rissoles I got schnitzel and instead of croissants, white bread. based on the increase in mistakes with my order I think I will quit while I can still afford to. although just the thought of going back to pushing a wonky wheeled trolley makes me cringe. I have sent them an email just to see what they do – it would be nice if they sent someone round with the croissants and the rissoles and I can hand back the schnitzel and bread but I need to think straight and get serious, it wont happen.
what is it with those motorised carts anyway?? they are huge and can go at a cracking pace and the people who operate them get really angry if you don’t give them a wide berth. I want to know what would happen if you were to just ride into the shopping centre on a quad bike? not that much bigger than nan’s “cart” and other than the speed and the noise what is the difference…yeah not a good argument but I am scarred by the nut job that ran over my foot in woolies and then yelled at me for being in the way of the deodorant…
when I checked the mail today I received the victoria’s secret catalogue….I wish I could order myself a victoria’s secret body to go with the lingerie. I know I know they’re not old ducks like me but even when I was their age I didn’t look anywhere near that fit. so I best hit the home gym cause I think it’s long overdue and while I wont ever end up with a body like miranda kerr I might eventually be able to buy a pair of panties from vicky’s secret that will fit….maybe.
this week I celebrated another year by having lunch with my husband, my mum and my daughter. I had expressed a couple of feeds so I could have a wine with lunch which probably wasn’t a good idea because just having “a” wine is never really enough. and while I have never enjoyed the sensation of the following days hangover I do enjoy drinking and in most cases getting absolutely mortal and playing sing star til I think I am better than the actual artist – my neighbours must have loved the free concerts that I put on in my BB days – that’s before baby yeah? last year when I celebrated another year I had a party and asked everyone to dress in their bogan best, mullet wigs and ciggies optional, and I think the last of us finished up around 3ish to back it up the following day at a winery….my east coast besty is a seasoned pro and managed to be up and ready to go sunglasses on ciggies in hand, my husband was a different story and put on a brave, and a little puffy, face and off we went to the winery. we arrived before my parentals and got a bottle of wine of which my husband had one sip and said he didn’t know what was wrong but he just didn’t feel that great – maybe he was just tired….ah how about still mortal? anyhoo my east coast besty is ever so kind and suggested he go for a lay down on the back seat of the car which he did and only resurfaced at the end of lunch 20 minutes before we were all ready to leave. overall it was a great birthday party, presents, great people and good times. fast forward 12 months and things have changed considerably. still got presents and hung out with great people and had good times…just earlier in the day and governed by the schedule of an eight week old baby. we were that couple that says we wont change our lives for a baby, the baby will have to fit in with us…damn that takes hard work! I totally understand why people don’t go anywhere once they have a baby cause it takes it out of you and I don’t think you totally relax. well that and it’s not that much fun changing nappies on the floor of the disabled toilet because the establishment doesn’t want to put a change table on the wall. may as well chuck a sign up saying “no thongs, no hoodies, no bikie colours, no MMA clothing, no beanies, no babies” mmmm yes bikies, fight fans and newborns are an absolute menace. soon it will be easier for them to list what they want you to wear rather than what you can’t. anyhoo I am determined to continue heading out socially but I also understand that sometimes our bundle of joy wont want to play the game so we may have to cancel plans and stay in but in all honesty the last eight weeks have flown by with such jiffy like speed it wont be that long before we are the annoying parents that takes the toddler to the pub for lunch – last year we were the pub patrons that got annoyed at the parents of the toddler and made comments like – “why would you bring a baby here” now I know why they did….because they want to continue to live like they used to BB as well. don’t get me wrong though I don’t intend on bringing my child up at the bar, we are also looking forward to a time when we can all go camping and teaching her to ride a bike so we can all hit the trails together…and then have lunch at the pub.
lately I have been watching a bit of MAX on foxtel – they have had 80’s music on in the mornings and I am an unabashed 80’s fan, the music, the fashion, the hair that made everyone look like they’re from texas, slogan tee’s, fluro for day wear not work wear and men wearing whatever they liked, including makeup, but not a metro sexual in sight. no matter how much they now try to reproduce the eighties it just looks like everyone tries too hard and it costs a bomb because it’s the “so hot right now” look. back in the eighties I was inspired by music and film clips – the choose life tee shirts in the wake me up before you go-go clip, anything Madonna wore, Boy George and Robert Smith from The Cure was a huge influence in the late eighties, oh and Billy Idol. when I was 16 I was a bridesmaid at my cousins wedding….it was the 80’s we wore hot pink taffeta dresses with puffy shoulders, white high heels and prior to the big day I sported a fabulous spiral perm. on the day we went to the hairdresser and I asked her not to brush through my curls but she did and then she used the most enormous rollers to give me very big bridesmaid hair that was finished off with one side swept up and held with a comb and a sprig of baby’s breath oh yeah I was rockin that look. anyway the following day I was hoping that if I washed my hair it would spring back to its former spiral glory, it didn’t. so my sista came to my rescue and shortly afterwards I went from sun bleached blond mop top to blue-black billy idol faux hawk. it was an interesting choice given that the area I grew up in was very much sun bleached blonde and not so much try hard gothic so to complete my look I stayed out of the sun and wore a lot of eyeliner and black clothing. I don’t know whether it was an 80’s thing or the fact that I was in my late teens but changing your look was totally acceptable and in my case commented on by others in club toilets….this eighties revival meeting I have been having – on my own – has caused me to forget why I started this post. there are certain words that conjure up images of horror in my mind. one of these words is discharge and while watching MAX I have been the unfortunate viewer of an ad that discusses vaginal discharge. I am not sure if advertising needs to go to such lengths….is nothing private anymore? specifically this ad refers to “that discharge between your period…” and how if you wear these special liners you will feel fresher for longer…or you could change your undies, drink more water and only wear natural fibres…just a thought. but do we really need to hear about it on the telly? not much is sacred these days as companies try to sell their products for many bodily functions and dysfunctions vaginal discharge, thrush, incontinence and erection problems are just a few of the issues you can now solve or live with more comfortably if you believe what the telly says – I am still pissed that the TV I pay for has ads at all, now they are using it for more direct marketing by offering you services if you press the red button, cheeky bastards making money from subscribers and advertisers. this is just one of the things that has bothered me recently and I would say that is due to my time spent sitting in front of the telly feeding Kenzi – I know, I know I should be sitting in a quiet place marvelling at the miracle of childbirth and how amazing it all is, and it IS totally awe-inspiring but once I got over the wow factor it’s now business as usual and consequently this post has taken me over two hours, three nappy changes and four feeds to write. and I made a management decision this morning to prioritize writing barrybadger because I enjoy it…things that got bumped are hanging out the washing and hoovering the tumbleweeds of MrRooben’s hair rolling around the floors.
I can’t finish on that, it’s just wrong. so back to my eighties revival as David Bowie sings Modern Love on my telly and reminds me that back then if you went to a concert and were lucky enough to sit on the flat section close to the stage you had a chance of running to the front once the lights went down. no one stopped you and no one complained that you were standing in front of them because everyone stood up. nowadays if you stand up guaranteed the person behind you will either complain loudly or tap you on the shoulder and ask you to sit down. and you have no chance of getting near the stage without getting taken down by some overly excited security guard. back in the eighties I managed to get up close to Elton John, ZZ Top, Bryan Ferry, Tina Turner and Queen to name a few and the tickets were a fraction of the relative cost today. maybe that explains why I frequently get told to “sit down, I paid good money for these tickets”. I also paid “good” money for my ticket and as a consequence I would like to enjoy myself by moving to the music – otherwise known as dancing – rather than sitting on my arse and applauding golf clap style after each tune. Bon Jovi demanded people stand up as did Lady Gaga but we did get tut tutted from behind when we bounced around to Jay Z when he supported U2. ahhhh the eighties we didn’t have any money, mobile phones or computers but we were pretty happy to make a mixed tape off the radio countdown and drink wine out of a cask. easy days…
so willy wonka strikes again…after nine months of hearing about all the worse case scenarios for babies, birthing and my body after it all I was looking forward to visiting wonks and seeing if he could give me some positive vibes…I now know this is not possible. wonks is a glass half empty kind of guy but he does it with a smile – more like willy wonka than I originally thought. so we start our visit with the usual chit-chat, how are you, how is the baby, how are you coping blah blah. then we move on to more interesting topics….so are you planning on having more children? no not planning on it. mmmm good idea. what method of contraception are you planning on using? well we haven’t used anything for 5 years and in that time have been pregnant three times and successful only once so ahhhh I don’t know….condoms? he wanted an answer and needed to write something in his notes. so far the visit was going well…have you had sex yet? no. well when you do you may feel a sensation like sandpaper at the opening to your vagina, it’s perfectly normal and will go away in time, it occurs in over 70% of women after giving birth and we only get complaints from women who had caesarean births, it’s caused by hormones and it might not happen but if it does you will know what it is. awesome, well that’s something to look forward to. mmmm yeah I probably do seem to give a lot of bad news stories…just a little, but I bet you’re a riot at parties…anyway so he asks me if I have anything else I want to discuss so I mention the pain in my wrists and he lights up like a christmas tree. I have something wrong yippee skippee. oh and he looks positively thrilled that he can give me some fabbo stories about failed operations resulting in complete hand paralysis and nerve damage so I need to get myself in to see an OT quick smart. we finish off our visit with him saying well you came all that way through the pregnancy and delivered a healthy baby only to have this happen – shake of the head, solemn expression. I try not to laugh in his face. seriously man I have swollen tendons or tenosynovitis if your into technical terms or mum’s thumb if you prefer your terms more cutesy. it’s really no reason to adopt “the tone” which should only be used when you are ringing in sick but really going off to the pub for lunch. being glass half full is sooooo much better. I had a great pregnancy and after hoping for a natural birth had a very cute and healthy baby girl via c section. and now I have a ridiculous amount of pain in my wrists and yes the pain did make me want to throw my heart up in the gateways carpark yesterday but today I see the OT and get a splint – hopefully in orange – and the pain will improve with time, all good. yes I am sleep deprived most days but last night kenzi doo dah slept solidly from 10pm to 3.30am so did I. boring to write about and I can’t really put an amusing spin on it – she slept well, the end. it was probably all the effort she put into doing a poo that ended in her having a bath that tuckered her out. funny how the nappy’s are absorbent but once they reach their fill it just comes out the top and in this case she was covered in poo from her left hip to her arm pit. and the stench – oh my – what have I been eating. anyhoo something has to be said for maintaining a positive outlook, quite often you will hear people bemoaning the fact that bad stuff always happens to them – yes it does and it will continue to. something amusing happened to us a few months back…we were discussing how things were going well for us financially and then I stupidly said “we’ll probably get hit with heaps of bills when I finish work…” guess what? only a couple of weeks later we were talking about how much we wished I had kept my pie hole shut as we watched the bills pile up and the account get drained. so as the bills kept coming we focussed on saying how everything was going well and we had plenty of cash and apart from anything else it felt much better to us than fixating on the negative…I have tried this technique with my lotto picks and if barrybadger goes offline you will know the outcome….
whoever said all babies do is eat, sleep and shit was on crack. my baby just did a projectile vomit that would put linda blair to shame and so far of the supposed 16-18 hours she should be sleeping she has managed just 6. since it’s now struck midnight I can’t see her getting her quota up. so here I am at 12.03am listening to the rain, the snoring from our bedroom and hoping that the tapping on the keyboard will help kenzi to drift off although it’s not looking promising.
so last night I was going to whip up a culinary delight of steak and veg but after a day of caring for awake and fairly grumpy kenzi we decided to get a pizza delivered. it was an odd decision considering that it never really tastes that great and it was already 6.30 which is way past my current feeding time which has taken on a nanna-like time schedule. anyhoo we order our pizza online and 45 minutes later the computer display tells me it has left the store so we wait….the store is only a five-minute drive from our house so yes we could have driven there and picked it up but chose to have it delivered. anyway at 7.50pm the delivery driver rocks up and says “sorry it took so long, we’re really busy”…surely being really busy would be a good thing, surely they have a well planned system in place to know that its monday and it’s raining so historically that means business. but since when did being busy become an excuse for poor service? and why is it that we still had to pay the same amount even though I had to heat my own pizza? anyhoo turns out we are running out of quick – and I use that term loosely – meal options if I can’t be bothered cooking because we wont get pizza delivered again and our most recent attempt at chinese takeaway was pretty average even by scott’s standard. and this is a man that declares sweet and sour pork to be better the next day because it’s had a chance to soak up all the fat mmmm yummy….
isn’t baby brain meant to hit during the pregnancy? I know alot of the stuff I should be remembering is only due to my poor listening skills right now…I can’t listen to a conversation, check facebook and make sure my daughter is still breathing all at once so unfortunately the conversation loses out to the other two. it is a little wrong of me to be referring to my 6 week old as someone other than kenzi, isn’t that something people with more than one child do, in the past week I have called her hayley – my godchild, lexie – my bestys pug dog and aliza – a name that didn’t make the final cut. I don’t suppose it matters to her but it certainly doesn’t make me a front-runner for mother of the year especially when I refer to her as a chubby pug dog. maybe I should get a tattoo to help me out….that would probably see me out of the will though, mind you my dad keeps telling me there will be nothing left anyway so I might throw my tits to the wind and get inked – somewhere that he cant see it, just in case.
I go for my 6 week check up tomorrow which means I can drive again and I cant believe how made up I am over being behind the wheel again. I think kenzi and I will just go for a drive because we can. being the control freak I am it’s no good for me to be sitting in the passenger seat of my own car. there have been quite a few carguments over the past six weeks, not helping the situation is the fact that due to the car seat being behind the passenger seat I am practically in the glove compartment, not good when the nominated driver bunny hops at every start – my first “drive myself” outing should probably be to the chiropractor. don’t get me wrong I am ever grateful to both my husband and my mum for chauffering us around for the past six weeks but as we bunny hop off the kerb at the front of our house every time we set off and I have to hear about how shit the clutch is in my car I cant help but think a good tradesmen never blames his tools. on the plus side though kenzi-hayley-lexie-aliza seems to like it because she goes into the car screaming for australia and six bunny hops later is sound asleep.
I have had a bit of bloggers block over the past week and haven’t really felt that I have anything worth reading to write…my day to day just hasn’t been all that scintillating that I have been compelled to share it. but some stuff has really amused me. I signed up to the groupon website and get way too many emails in the middle of the night offering me a fantastic opportunity to “save” money. one that I received last week was for fat cavitation….what the? it just sounds wrong let alone paying for the privilege – discounted or not. the other thing I have had my fair share of is daytime telly…now I don’t partake in the free to air stations and mostly watch the crap they offer on pay tv, if I am to watch average telly I will damn well pay for it…when they first launched pay tv in australia it was sold as telly without the ads, that soon changed and now some of the ads are longer than most programs because they don’t put ads in them. anyhoo one that I particularly enjoy is the ad for pestrol rodent free. it’s a product that claims to kill rodents use an electromagnetic pulse. the fun starts in this ad when they use customer testimonials to really sell it and “stan” says “I Placed 2 in mother in-laws house with excellent results also, nothing seen or moving anywhere.” so they are good for mother in laws as well are they stan? the other really weird part of this ad is the final shot that shows a baby sitting on the floor with an american pit bull terrier panting next to it…unless you are cesar milan dog whisperer probably not the best combo.
something new for me this past week is having my groceries home delivered. yes I ordered my weekly shopping online and in the pissing rain on wednesday they were kindly delivered to my kitchen. now I have no concept of how much stuff weighs or how many things you get to a kilo so I just order a kilo and suck it and see. so a kilo of barramundi equals five decent sized fillets, two kilos of bananas equals about seven huge bananas and a kilo of portobello mushrooms equals mushrooms every day for a week and give half to dad. I thought they may have made a mistake when I kept pulling prepacked mushrooms out of different bags but no as it turns out mushrooms don’t weigh that much so a kilo is a lot of fungi and since I am the only person in the house that is partial to shrooms I am having omelette for lunch every day. it’s a pretty good service really and stops you from impulse buying…well it did this week, cant guarantee what the next shop will bring.
ok so my goal for this week is to get a shower before 9am…major fail today it’s 2pm and I still have my PJ panties and ugg boots on…rock on tomorrow when I get to see willy wonka one final time and kenzi-hayley-lexie-aliza gets to see his gumboot wearing sidekick. living the life we are….