high brow, low brow, no brow….

so what an interesting time I have had this past week. getting the mail has become decidedly unsavoury and a task that I think Mr B Badger.com and I will soon end up competing rock, paper, scissors style to see who makes the unfortunate journey. so knowing that things are just a tad cosy in our budget right now I thought I would save some pennies by waxing my own eyebrows…interesing concept on saving considering that it probably only costs about $15 for me to get them waxed but it would seem my brain is still otherwise engaged and logic is no longer my friend. anyhoo so I decided on the latest from sue ismeil and daughters and purchased the nads wand. now, I have a face that needs eyebrows. short hair with no fringe – or bangs for my american pals – means I really need to have something between my hairline and my eyes. so I get the wand and dial it up, put the “wax” on and then smooth on the strip and then in one quick flick of my de quervains affected wrist I am left with what i can only describe as brow interupted….I have three eyebrows now. two small ones above my left eye and one regular, and out of fear, untouched, one above my right eye. it seems that when i spread the wax I accidentally spread it through the centre of my brow….oops. but I saved $4 in total so job well done.

my conversations this weekend ran the gamut from high brow to low brow – usually it’s the lower end of low brow – anyhoo so we covered off the US Presidential Campaign, boat people, muslim faith, the cost of living, event management in western australia, mirrored sunglasses, MrRoobens poo circles and front wiping versus back wiping. Yep that’s right, the conversation once again went down the toilet – literally. so event management in western australia….head over to the east coast to see how it’s done over there peeps. put it this way they wouldn’t run out of hot food and cold beverages ever let alone at lunch time. and seriously if you are going to charge that much for a can of scotch and dry and a chicken sandwich at least make sure they are available and cold. mirrored sunglasses are my fathers fall back conversation when he has been told to stop talking about people with tattoo’s. I don’t care about tattoo’s and I figure it’s your skin if you want to draw on it then knock yourself out, but I tend to agree with dad when he says that there is a certain sense of frustration when trying to carry out a conversation with a person wearing mirrored sunnies….are they looking at me or are they simply doing the nod and smile while surveying the scenery – they could be asleep under there who knows? MrRooben is incapable of doing his business in one area. most dogs will squat and empty MrWhippy style but not MrRooben. he drops a bit, snaps it off, takes a quarter turn and repeats until he has completed a full circle and what should have been one poo for us to pick up is now four…see what I mean about low brow?? at least he doesn’t have to back up onto a bush like MAC Dog – he’s the psycho kelpie residing with my parentals. and then we get the perils of wiping your bum – do you front wipe or back wipe? this was last nights post dinner conversation and it was a treat. who would have thought you could carry on a discussion about something you should probably never even talk about over the dinner table? what a joy. I get to see my brother very rarely and when we do see each other, once we have caught up on all the usual suspects, we end up talking about wrong stuff – like wiping your arse. one of our past conversations was if you could remember going from no pubes to having pubes…did you get one or two or wake up one morning with a full power muff? who can remember? most people are probably tut tutting right now and using alot of “D” words to describe our behaviour – disgusting, disgraceful, disappointing etc but I reckon after you have popped down from your great height you will think about the pubic hair one…

other topics for the weekend included….is the american green card really green? and the answer is yes and why is the black box coloured orange and the answer is so it is easy to spot amongst the wreckage and the bright orange paint is flame proof. so there you go it’s not all about the toilet sometimes we cover off banal topics that don’t gross people out….

if you happen to see me in the next couple of weeks please try not to focus on my munted eyebrow too much and remember I saved a whole $4 on that job…

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six days to go…

wednesday night there were four people occupying the four chairs in our theatre suite watching the state of origin and we can always be guaranteed of two conversations during a game…one is why do they still include the scrum in rugby league when all the boys do is have a rest and the other is about the amount of tattoos the players get. I can’t see how having six blokes all up to 100kg pushing against each other in a crouching position can be considered “a rest” but I have never played a team sport so I will have to ask scotty his thoughts on that one. I went to the font of all knowledge on the tnet – that’s internet for the uninitiated – and the explanation of the modern scrum is here…

 While restarting play, the scrum serves to keep the forwards in one area of the field for a time, thus creating more space for back play and special plays, an advantage to the side that wins the scrum. It is now uncommon for the team not awarded the scrum feed to win possession.

so there you have it, we can put that one to rest now…I know we wont though and guaranteed the next time my father puts him bum in a chair to watch an NRL game he will say “why do they still include the scrum in rugby league when all these blokes do is lean against each other for a rest?”

now the other conversation, and lets face it these are two very high brow topics we are covering here, is on the subject of tattoos. my dad abhors tattoos and cannot understand why anyone would want to get one. it doesn’t matter what sport you watch these days it seems that tattoos are the performance enhancer of choice. strike that not any sport, let’s go with team sport because you don’t see too many golfers or tennis players with my brother’s keeper tattooed around their collar bones. so we are watching wednesday’s game and Todd Carney is playing for NSW now Todd is an excellent player in my opinion and has had several well-known battles with the booze off field but if they can keep him on the straight and narrow for the season then it’s definitely good bang for buck and he is a pretty good-looking rooster as well. problem for dad is that he is covered with tatts. he has full sleeve on both arms and pretty sure they also start from the neck and work their way down his chest. so we are watching him make line up for a shot at goal and start talking about his bankability due to his off field antics and dad says “well he would probably get more money if he didn’t have all those tatts all over him” to which mum – who rarely chimes into the tattoo discussion – says “well it certainly hasn’t harmed the career of that soccer dude who’s married to that skinny bird” ah yes there you go dad your argument just got blown out of the water by an avid OK! magazine reader. being covered in tattoos certainly has not harmed the career of David Beckham if anything Louis Molloy has been able to make a career out of putting replica tough stickers onto the backs of white wobblies in Manchester who want to bend it like Beckham. now, Todd Carney is no David Beckham but since our argument is only around tattoos and the public perception of those that have them I say well-played mum. I know it winds my dad up when I say I am getting a tattoo so I do it just for a laugh and he gets his stink face on and tells me “do what you want to do its your body” which is exactly my point all the time. the skin is the largest organ in the body and it is up to the wearer of said organ what they do with it so if you feel passionate about something and you want to get it permanently inscribed go right ahead. but my dad will still think you’re a dickhead. that’s his perception and it will never change. if I got a tattoo I would be a dickhead too so at least he is consistent and will not show any bias for family. problem I would face in getting a tattoo is I would want it somewhere that I can see it and admire it as a piece of art so it would not be something I could ever hide from my dad – I would have to be an out and proud dickhead and know that for the rest of his days he would comment on it every time he saw me, that is exhausting so for the moment I will park my tattoo plans and just stick to winding him up….maybe get a subscription of tattoo magazine and leave it around for him to see. for the most part the perception of people sporting tattoos has changed, it had to really, so many people from all walks of life now have tattoos for various reasons it seems to have become quite mainstream and no longer a reason to be outcast. when I was growing up tattoos were for the very rough, the recently returned to society after a period of incarceration or people in the navy – or maybe that was my perception back then. I do know that they weren’t quite as spectacular as they are now with most looking like they had used a needle and the ink from a bic ballpoint to do the work.

at 4.30am this morning over toast and juice our conversation was about how we feel like it’s just business as usual, like I should just get up and go to work cause nothing else seems to be happening. I think we have ridden the wave of pregnancy with the expectation that we would have had the baby by now – even wonka thought we would be with child at this late stage – but still no movement at the station and the days just keep on rolling on while we wait. it’s driving me bonkers but I am sticking true to my besty’s advice and just counting the days and knowing that this time next week our world – Mr Rooben, scotty and I – will have changed permanently never to be the way it is right now, again. while that is a daunting statement I am just keen to get on to be honest. all the uncertainty and pfaffing around of these past few weeks is making me a bit doolally. so come on myffyn you can do it sista – or in six days time you will start your life on the outside and the choice of when will be made for you…