don’t believe everything you hear…

so everyone likes to pass on their pearls of wisdom or personal experience….we all do it, some do it well others not so much. the one thing that becomes glaringly evident when you look like you are about to pop is that people – even those that under normal conditions wouldn’t even look at you – want to pass on their pearls. yesterday during my much awaited and longed for pedicure the discussion turned to my miss piggy like trotters that have been retaining about a litre of fluid each since week 24. I did have some compression socks to wear but due to the unyielding bump I can no longer get down there to pull them on so my trotters are on display for all to see due to the fact that thongs are my only footwear option. anyhoo so here we are discussing fluid retention and fat feet. we had already discussed how people want to give away their horror stories and the therapist looking after my mum had recounted how terrified her sister was due to the amount of stories she had heard then went on to have a short drug free labour with not much pain and no horror in sight. my therapist may have zoned out when I was saying that I had it up to dollys wax with the amount of bad news people want to part with as she went on her merry way telling me that her sisters feet swelled up during her pregnancy and she expected them to go down straight away but they didn’t go down for almost three months….mum’s therapist said “there you go another horror story” bless her. up til now my tactic has been to nod and smile….seems to work well and that way I am not tempted to open my pie hole. but its complete gold when people start their pearls with “you should do what I did…..” and you could fill in the dot dot dot with “have a caesarean, it’s so much easier and you don’t feel a thing” or “go drug free and just get it done, I did and it was fine” the list goes on and on with all the different variations on the way people have given birth. for me it will be however it’s meant to be and that could be a caesarean, drug free, induced, natural or that high on painkillers and gas that I decide to call her violet beauregard out of respect for willy wonka. of course common sense will prevail and myffyn will get her chosen name which still remains a closely guarded secret – not because we think we are the posh and becks of wellard just because we like the name and people are less likely to comment once the child is born. prior to birth if you tell peeps what names you have chosen they freely offer up their opinion and its rarely complimentary.

I have gone way off track with this post….so one of the pearls I have been given by so many people is that I will know when I am going to go into labour because I will get the sudden urge to clean – everything. so I thought last night might have been the night because yesterday afternoon I was like a woman possessed. I cleaned the groove where the sink meets the bench top in the kitchen and where the stove sits in the bench, I cleaned the plug holes in the sink and started wiping down light switches throughout the house and I had the energy to do it. it was a weird feeling and I started to think maybe, just maybe, in the words of rod stewart “tonites the night”. ahhhh no it wasn’t to be. so for now I am throwing that pearl of wisdom out the window and not trying to over think it. maybe it wasn’t a big enough urge to clean….as I look around me and see the tumbleweeds of mr.roobens hair rolling around I am thinking maybe the urge to clean would have been stronger if labour was pending and I would have whipped out the trusty dyson….yeah I don’t think myffyn is ready to pop out just yet, but look out linen press….


willy wonka delivers more gems of wisdom….

my obstetrician looks like gene wilder – complete with crazy curls and quirky personality – so I call him willy wonka. works perfectly for this blog so I don’t harm his reputation by naming and shaming. I am on weekly visits to willy wonka in the lead up to the big day and after yesterdays visit I really just wanted to get him to induce me and get it over with so I don’t have to go back for any of his “your vagina could fall out” positive gems. from my first visit it has been one worse case scenario after another at every visit – hang on there was one visit where he was flat stick and had them lining up out the door so he didn’t get the chance to tell me about the possibility of getting the head stuck. anyhoo given my age, which has come up so many times there is no chance of me hanging onto the thought that the forties are the new thirties, I had all the required testing however scotty and I had decided that if the scan for abnormalities came back as high risk that we wouldnt chance an amniocentesis so lucky for us I went into the scan at high risk – age being the only factor – and came out of it as low risk which was sensational news for us and for my besty who unfortunately did not get the good news for one of her babies. So I take my awesom results back to see willy wonka who cannot share in my joy and rather goes on to inform me of all the OTHER bad things that can happen at this time. he actually called me a show off…”well you’re a bit of a show of aren’t you”? at this point i got the feeling that he was hoping to be able to give me something to wipe the smug grin off my face….so  far we have run the gamut of things that can go wrong from birth defects, brain cysts and kidney problems to prolapsed vaginal walls, complications from natural birth, complications from caesarian birth and high blood pressure. one of my all time favourites was the discussion we had on the flu shot. I have never had the flu and have never had the flu shot and dont plan on starting anytime soon so I was fascinated when willy wonka sits me down and just says “so, flu shot, you had one” it wasn’t a question more like a put it on your to do list statement. I replied “no, and I dont intend to have one” whoa that threw him into such a spin he took four deep breaths before launching into his spiel about why I should have one….the WHO recommend all pregnant women have it, the health department have supplied them with heaps of it, the flu can be very dangerous to both the mother and the unborn child on and on. in the end I said if I tell you I will consider it will you be happy? he was, i didn’t. what I found most fascinating about it was during pregnancy you get bombarded with all the things you cant do no drinking, no smoking – ww told me its not the right time to take it up – no unwashed greens, no soft or mould ripened cheese and no pate. seriously taking blue cheese and red wine from me is like stripping a child of all his toys – for nine months. so the list of no can do’s is endless BUT what you can do is you can get someone to inject you with last years flu vaccine suspended in a formula of formaldehyde and chick embryo just in case you get that particular strain of the flu. cause that wont affect you or the baby, the WHO says, and there is no multi billion dollar contract at stake – they just really care about us pregnant gals health. I have more respect for the woman at sumo salad who served me one day and when I asked for the beetroot and feta salad blurted out “you cant eat that” food paranoia gone mad but she was so adorable looking out for me. I did tell her that you cant eat cheese made with unpasteurized milk products but in this country you would have to go seek these cheeses out – sumo salad are more into the mass produced variety, not so specialty.

early morning digression for me….so yesterday I visit wonks. I am shattered, usually I am up beat and ready for whatever he throws my way but yesterday I was done. no sleep, sore hips, sick of the freeway road works and the ticket machine closest to me was busted so I had to walk a mile for the next one and actually weighed up the cost of a fine versus the walk…so when wonks started manipulating my uterus to see how low the babies head was sitting I struggled not to yell at him to just use the f*!$ing ultrasound. now was not the time to go old school on me, plug in the toy, lube me up and say hi to myffyn. so he does, she is low and everything else looks “perfect” his word not mine. but before I can revel in the fact that everything looks perfect he adds….”but I had one last week who looked just like yours and after 12 hours of labour the baby still wouldn’t move, so they’re not out til they’re out” profound. so we sat in his room he asked me if I had any concerns, I said no I really wanted to say “for your safety”, then he told me that next week he will have a look at my cervix – I hope it performs – and depending on how that looks we may talk about inducing. now up to this point I have really wanted to see if nature will take its course, but honestly if I have to receive much more of his awesome uplifting gems of wisdom I will be opting for induction next friday. either that or start sticking pins in my eyes….

today is pedicure day and I just checked the website it’s $125 for a pedicure….does that come with a complimentary pair of havianas??? goodbye yellow toenails – the polish colour not the actual toenails – and hello….gothic purple/black.   

missing work…

so it’s week three of my leave and while there are loads of things I could be doing around the house I just can’t be bothered. I am not getting enough sleep to put in a full day of anything so yesterday I just tidied the kitchen and watched the telly. this morning I was up at about 3.30am and moved myself to the couch in the hope of getting some sleep…its like trying to sleep on a plane – in economy but with a nicer blanket. people keep telling me to relax and just do nothing which would be achievable if I was on holiday in a resort in Bali but instead I am at home bored out of my wits. tomorrow I am going for a pedicure which will be good times and I don’t think I have EVER looked forward to a pedicure more in my life – not because my feet are heinous just because it means I get to feel like a normal person. I think on thursday and friday I will kick in to gear and do some house work….it just feels very strange being home and not being sick. hopefully this baby is moving herself into position so we can get busy getting to know one another and hopefully keep me occupied. otherwise I will be barking mad by august.

now i have time, i cant get a thing done

we got married in 2008, so four years in july this year. i still havent changed my name on one of my old superannuation funds, or my address for that matter. i know i have to do it but its such a drag. its easier to change your name with the tax office and they require no proof but with your super they want certified copies of all documents. this means finding a justice of the peace cause you cant just waltz into the cop shop and ask them to verify your identiy anymore – its not their job. anyway i have put this task off for almost four years and right now i have the time to do it so i cant use the old “i’m too busy” excuse. i just cant be bothered. its not a fun task, its dead boring and i just know it has to be done but i wish i could pay someone to do it for me, like the mega rich would do. james packer wouldn’t have to rock up to kwinana council and get them to sight his documents to change his details, it would be nice if he could donate some cash to me so i could then pay someone to do it for me….anyhoo its just one job in a long list of jobs that i genuinely dislike and therefore put off until tomorrow. i do have a mother who i lie to frequently about these jobs and i know that she knows i am lying to her when i say “yeah i did that months ago” but i cant help myself. i just want her to not remind me that i am not that well organised in my personal life. at work i get paid to organise and improve the efficiency of a business and i am very good at it but i guess it’s like the builder who never finishes his own house – when you do it all day for good pay why would you want to come home and do it for nothing?

it’s week two and i am 37 weeks pregnant, i hope the babies furniture arrives soon….

week two….or three? do i have baby brain?

ok now i cant remember what the date is or when i finished work and the hours between 0500 and 1500 seem to go so quickly its ridiculous. why doesn’t time fly like this when your at work? i think i am in week two of my parental leave which means i am struggling to remember what happened in week one…perhaps if i was more disciplined and posted on my blog on a regular basis i would know what the hell i got up to…i have a feeling it went like this…monday lunch out, tuesday in to work to pick up my stuff i couldn’t carry home on the train, wednesday out to lunch, thursday out to lunch, friday house cleaning and washing followed by…out to lunch. saturday i had a baby shower at which most of the guests assumed it would be a coffee and cake affair so much to my disappointment most people drove and we had a substantial amount of wine and champagne left over. apparently when you are pregnant people assume you will force them to live by your rules….i would rather see people enjoying themselves. anyway i got some lovely gifts and some very strange gifts but overall it was nice to catch up with everyone and that was my saturday. so much for this sitting down and relaxing caper that i was informed would be the norm.

sunday should have been a day of rest but i went house hunting with my mum while my husband and father went to the pub. i am secretly hoping that next week is more relaxed than this week but i am not sure i will be so lucky.

sleep is not my friend and i have taken to sitting upright on the couch when laying in bed becomes to uncomfortable. this means i wake up with a sore neck, but my hips are fine. i am dreading sorting out all the stuff from the shower that i just dumped on the bed in myffyn’s room. next week i will look into it…

a bit of context…

so about this time last year my husband and I were giving baby making one last shot. it hadn’t been fun and most of the lust and spontaneity had gone from our sex life. we had become a couple that had sex when the saliva ferns said it was the “right time” and it was about as exciting as stacking the dishwasher. so imagine my surprise when I got two pink lines on the pregnancy test. maybe boring, lustless loving was the way to go….well it wasn’t as it turned out and on august 12 2011, three days before my big four oh, I was in hospital for a d & c to remove the embryo that did not develop past six weeks. I could have hung on for a few more weeks and hoped for it to miscarry but having been on that ride before I was not too keen on going again. anyhoo out of hospital and on the mend husband and I have a big chat and decide that it looks like we will set up a childless life with investment properties and international holidays and just get on with it. I get offered a new job with rio tinto which I accept and in a months time I am due to start work and my new career in the resources sector. I feel a bit average though and kind of queasy and short of breath on our weekend mountain bike rides…should probably visit the doctor but I put it off and just put it down to stress. a couple of weeks in to my new job and I am struggling to keep my eyes open past 1pm, maybe I have cancer. husband suggests taking a pregnancy test so I do, reluctantly because I think we both know what the result will be. I wait the required time before checking the result window then ask husband “so how do we feel about two pink lines?” we work it out and it looks like I am about ten weeks in so I call the obstetrician who asks me if I am in denial waiting so long to come in. I wait until I am fifteen weeks to tell my boss and our families just to be sure and fast forward to friday may eleventh my last day of work before taking a year off to look after our baby. this blog is about that, how an over forty workaholic is coping with not working for the man for one year. if day time tv is anything to go by its going to be an interesting time in my life…stay tuned