let the games begin…

scotty has returned to work this morning so that leaves me at home with kenzi and Mr Rooben, neither of which say much so barrybadger will probably cop a hammering of posts over the next few days as I attempt to communicate. the past two weeks have been interesting and I have learnt quite a bit about myself and the behaviours I need to try to manage on a daily basis if I am to succeed in my motherhood quest. I have already documented my high anxiety in barrybadger posts gone by and scott and I had already flagged that I would need to be mindful of this when we came home with our ultimate prize otherwise I would probably never sleep again. throughout my pregnancy I managed to avoid the google and all the other advice we can access at the touch of a button as I didn’t want to over think every kick, hiccup and movement or lack thereof. then our bundle arrived and all of a sudden I am reading everything put in front of me and listening to every bit of contradictory advice thrown my way. the midwives in the hospital say wake her up for a feed every two to three hours or she wont get enough, the community nurse says as long as she is doing enough business in her nappies there is no need to wake her she will wake of her own accord and the google supports both arguments and provides vivid descriptions of what can happen if she gets dehydrated….and thats just feeding. I cant help but think that utilising the services of old Dr Spock’s handbook 40 odd years ago may have been a better way to go rather than the over-supply of information we have today. the community nurse left me with enough toilet reading material to last well into my 41st year and the two showbags you get from the hospital have an abundance of suggested necessities that you simply cannot do without. I am struggling to understand why they even bother making clothing other than singlets and onesies in sizes suitable for newborns because they do business that often you just don’t need to add removal of cool looking outfit to your playbook. no sooner have you removed the outfit, changed the stink bum, and put the outfit back on you see what you now recognise as “the poo face” that is quickly followed by the pants rumble and you start it all again. onesie all the way I say…anyhoo the one thing they really don’t prepare you for in any of the conversations with midwives or in the barrage of supplied literature is the potential for you to feel so sad and alone. yes your hormones are going bananas and yes this is the biggest and most important job you will ever do and the enormity of it all can get to you and really when it does it is terrifying and I have had times during the past two weeks when I have wanted to just curl into a ball and be left alone to just cry…so I went for acupuncture on friday and will continue to get treatment until my hormones regain some sort of balance and the fog of depression starts to lift. fortunately for me I have some very amazing people in my life who support me without smothering me, cause that wouldn’t work! we are also very lucky to have a new baby that only wakes once during the night at the moment so both of us are getting a decent amount of sleep….not sure if this trend will continue but I have all fingers crossed that it does.

it has been a relatively heavy post this morning so I will end it on a smile…whoever said only boys are a challenge to change had never met a girl like ours….so far I have been shot by the urine arc of kenzi three times, she is mastering the art of waiting until the nappy comes off, pulling her legs back and shooting me with her wee. lucky for me I am getting used to being wet from most of her bodily fluids and some of my own – loving the leaky boob – so if you see me out and I smell a little like wee, poo or stale milk be sure and let me know – i promise to only be mildly embarrassed and not at all offended!

what a swell party it was…

so it seems like a lifetime ago that I was having a shower in the special antiseptic “body wash” prior to being admitted to hospital for the birth of our daughter…certainly not the way I had hoped this day would play out but in a few short hours we would be introduced to the person who would change life, as we know it, forever. I have to say the staff at the hospital have the process nailed and it’s hard not to feel like you are on a conveyor belt just waiting for the next part of the process to begin…check in, provide a wee sample, change into your gown, meet the anesthetist, have any remaining pubes removed, have a visit by the nurses and so on and so forth. when it becomes very interesting is when we finally get to the “theatre” and it kind of feels like someone has said “number 3 your caesarean section is ready”. to say it was bizarre would be an understatement. the epidural is a procedure I would be in no hurry to repeat ever, the claustrophobia I experienced when they tried to put an oxygen mask on me was intense. willy wonka had asked me if I had any preference for the music played during the procedure and I said I didn’t mind but really it would have been nice to hear david bowie singing is there life on mars as he held our baby girl aloft…surreal. I think it probably felt to scott and I like we had been slapped with wet fish when the gum boot wearing sidekick popped our perfect baby girl on my partially numb chest – we both look a bit like stunned mullets in the pictures now I look back on them. once they have wrapped her up and counted all the instruments to ensure nothing has “gone missing” baby girl and I are wheeled back to our room where I am sure scott can’t wait to change out of his hospital scrubs that kind of made him look a bit like he was in some bad medical porn movie. I cant feel my legs and I have compression tights on and the nurses have also put some wrap thing around my calves which is connected to a pump that will ensure the blood continues to flow through my legs – cheers for that – cause you could remove my legs right about now and I would be none the wiser. as the effects of the epidural wear off the pain begins and whoa nelly that is some serious pain, but I am in hospital and they have some serious pain killers so to be perfectly honest the rest of friday and parts of saturday are moderately blurry and I can remember snippets of midwives coming in to help me breastfeed and to pump me full of drugs. by saturday night I was in a different room and off the medication, thankfully. mind you the nursing staff were still trying to give me painkillers every time they popped in to check my vitals. at one stage a midwife said to me “you don’t have to put up with the pain you know” to which I replied no, but you do usually have to be in pain in the first place…I found it quite amusing that I could have had incredibly strong painkillers on a fairly regular basis but I could only have two panadol once every six hours…in all honesty the most pain I had after the initial shock from the epidural wearing off came from not being able to do a poo. so i ordered prunes for breakfast and they worked like a charm – this is definitely a sharing kind of blog. it was a very strange feeling being in the hospital and I didn’t realise how comforting it was at the time to know that the nurses, midwives and nursery were available at any time. when willy wonka said I could go home on the tuesday instead of the wednesday I was overjoyed but as we loaded our new precious cargo into the car I was overwhelmed with the enormity of the responsibility we now had – not unusual for me, to be overwhelmed that is. it’s time for some acupuncture…