Too much of a good thing….

I have spent much of the past two weeks thinking about pressure, perceived and real, and the impact that has on me and the people that I love. I guess the thing I am finding more and more evident is how grossly under-prepared I was for the juggling act of working full-time and having a school age child. It seems my life has become more and more complex in the last 12 years. Back in early ’07 I was living the single life, maintaining a pretty healthy looking body, heading out for wine time on the weekend and basically doing as I pleased with my time. Then I met Mr B Badger and began to share my time with him, we got married, bought a dog, bought a house and did couples stuff – which meant lot’s of trips to Bunnings on the weekend and wine time at home, a mortgage is a great way to stifle a good social life. Anyhoo 2012 saw us welcome Little Boss into our lives and we dropped to one income….fast forward to 2017 and I return to full time work but Little Boss is in Prep and only two days a week so woopity do, not much to organise there. Last year Kindy was ok…little bit of home work, swimming carnival, athletics carnival, assemblies and the like but overall fairly manageable. It’s safe to say that Year 1 has officially slapped my face and told me to wake up to myself. This Term is only nine weeks long and there are seven extra items on my Calendar for School….one is a Circus themed Disco and the other one is Book Week so I will have to whip out the Elna and come up with a snazzy outfit or two for those, Mothers Day Stall, Grandparents Day, Athletics Carnival, Class Assembly, Math’s Challenge and Parent Teacher Interviews….add to that Swimming Lessons, Soccer Training, Home Readers and Home Work, remembering what Uniform is on what day and what the transport arrangements are to and from school. And we don’t do half of what some do in the extra-curricular area….so after I send Little Boss off to school with a super awesome lunch box that will come home mostly untouched, I head off to work. Which is where I leave the best of me – cause they pay me – and then I bring home the tired, grumpy short tempered me who just wants to go and lift heavy things at the gym but after cooking dinner and getting Little Boss to bed all I can muster is a bit of GoT and date with my pillow.

I am going to have to change it up and get a new routine cause this is a cycle that will continue for the next 11 years….if I keep going at my current pace for that long my nervous system is going to look like a pin-ball that keeps hitting all the bumpers.

I take comfort in the fact that I am not alone and I am also grateful that we are able to provide Little Boss with this epic childhood filled with rich and colourful experiences. I am also super thankful for my friends that get to enjoy my animated and colourful language as we each discuss our shared frustrations on our parenting journey.  While I am #grateful and #thankful I am also, at times, overwhelmed and too exhausted – mentally and physically – to phone a friend so then I start to beat myself up for not staying in touch with friends and family. It’s a hectic life that we all need to dial back a notch. Maybe the school could jam their homework and ask that kids help prepare dinner instead to learn about food, or write a letter to a person at their local nursing home to practise their writing….actual real tasks that encourage learning rather than columns of words and numbers on a page. Just a thought…anyhoo this has been the best time, just sitting here and typing away, getting these thoughts out of my head. Not my best post but necessary. If anyone reads this anymore, thank you, I appreciate you sticking in there even though my posts are about as regular as my menstrual cycle.

strange days indeed

I have been out of paid work for over four years now. I say out of paid work because, while I no longer lodge a tax return, I am still working. A bit like a 1950’s housewife I am taking care of the business of running the house and caring for the child while Mr B Badger heads off to work. So up until 2013ish I had never been out of work since I rocked up to Quigleys Deli at Killarney Vale as an over-confident 12 year old who wanted to earn some cash. That’s almost 30 years of paid work. So I have been hanging at home with my mini me and we have had amazing times that no amount of money or promising career could ever compare….if I had the chance there are many events throughout my life that I would change or do differently – the last four plus years being the exception.

Hang on maybe that time when I was throwing the ball to MrRooben and instead hit Little Boss as she was laying in her pram….or when I accidentally cut the end of her finger off while trying to trim her nails – it wasn’t that bad so don’t call the authority on me. Ok so I’ve had a few parenting fails along the way, it hasn’t all been huggy bears and unicorns.

Anyhoo Little Boss started Prep this year and will start full-time school next year so I decided to start the dreaded job search. I started by only applying for roles where my skills met the selection criteria – I don’t like having my time wasted so I figured I wouldn’t waste the recruiters time by applying for something I “might” be able to do. Now we are five weeks into the school year and I am applying for anything and everything I am remotely qualified for, hoping that somebody out there looks at my CV or cover letter and says “this looks good, let’s get her in for a chat”. Last night I got an alert from my local Bunnings warehouse to tell me they were hiring so this morning after the school drop off I got busy on my cover letter and then got online to apply only to find that the job had disappeared…nooooo I love Bunnings. I would totally rock as a Bunnings employee. So I emailed them to see what was happening and they called me – this is why I love Bunnings, it’s their culture – so the lovely lady was calling to say they had to take the ad down due to the overwhelming response .

I will persist – persistence, resilience and perseverance are pretty awesome employability skills BTW and I’ve got ’em in spades. But I had to write this post just to get it off my chest because it does get me down – I can’t lie. Mr B Badger was out of work for four months when we moved and we applied for just over 70 jobs and received a reply from only 10% of those. I know something will come up and this too, shall pass…I just need to be patient – which is a skill that I don’t seem to have much of…