recently my cousin and her daughter visited us and they bought with them a swag of the latest magazines. they came armed with heaps of other stuff as well but for the purpose of this post I wont go on about krispy kreme donuts….it’s just fried dough, get over it. anyhoo so I used to be an avid collector of magazines…I really enjoy some of the articles but mostly just like to look at the pictures. fast forward to the brave new world I live in and the magazines I look forward to come pre-loved. so one of the magazines my cousin left behind has the following claim on the cover “50 great buys under $250″…what a bargain, sign me up, where can I get all 50? seriously, is under $250 the new bargain? I am clearly well out of the loop on what is hip and happening in fashion due, in part, to me currently sporting a size 16 arse, not the 10 required by the fashion forward and the fact that my current budget extends to the two for $30 offered by Jeans West. one of the magazines that I really enjoy reading and looking at is Marie Claire but who buys the fashion? a pair of shoes for $3ooo, a bag for $1200 and a dress for POA…sounds more like a deposit on a house to me. the people who buy this stuff must surely be very wealthy or live on credit cards cause for the average joe who might fancy a pair of neon blue snake-skin heels by Gucci or Prada – I can’t remember – the price tag is way out of reach. it has made me wonder if they are missing their mark in selling the magazine to people like me – well not actually me, I get the pre-loved ones remember – who, even if I did win big and skinny down, wouldn’t buy half the clothes featured in these glossy pages. years ago I was at a convention in Hawaii and while waiting for my room to be ready went for a wander through the mall that was part of the hotel. there was a Louis Vuitton shop and in the window was a bag that had $1200 in small gold writing on the tag next to it….the “bag” itself was probably big enough for two tampons and a lipstick and the exchange rate was 73 cents…then a couple of years ago my besty from Sydney came over for my big four ohhhh and we went for a wander through the designer stores of Perth’s King Street….well the ones we could get into without an appointment anyway. In Prada there was a pair of black men’s rubber thongs with PRADA in white on the sole…$499. seriously…who buys that? and if you do, or you know someone who does, please let me know how freaking awesome they are. cause for that much money they would want to be some crazy amazing comfy thongs. I will continue to invest $20 on havianas at the beginning of summer knowing that by the end of april they will be ready for the bin.
a note for my American friends – the thongs I refer to are not the underwear, up your bum, ones they are the rubber soled on your feet ones. thongs, jandals, flip-flops, pluggers – or if your upmarket – double pluggers.
while our guests were staying with us Mr B Badger.com and I shared a bathroom and I havent been motivated to move my stuff back into the main bathroom so we continue to share. it’s been a few years since we have shared and a couple of things have amused me recently. one is that I think, judging by the condition of the shower glass, that when Mr B Badger.com washes his hair and body he must thrash around like he is covered in bee’s – not body wash. the glass is covered from top to bottom in splashes of soapy residue. I have tried to replicate this and I can confirm that the only way to get the shower glass this messy is to lather up and wave your arms like you just don’t care. I have left a cloth in the shower recess as a subtle hint that maybe after every couple of showers he could wipe down the glass but so far the view beyond the glass gets blurrier by the day so I best get my A into G and move back into my bathroom. we all have our bathroom issues – the reason he hates sharing a bathroom with me is I am a serial leaver outer. yes there are perfectly good cupboards that I could put all my lotions and potions into but why bother when tomorrow I am just going to get them all out again?? anyway the other thing that caught my eye while all this bathroom cohabitation is going on is that my husbands anti perspirant offers 48 hour protection….why? if you have to wear it for 48 hours you need a shower not protection, because quite frankly if you havent showered for 48 hours no one will come near you so protection is the least of your worries. is this just advertising gone mad? if it can protect you for 48 hours against the dreaded B.O then what the hell do they put in it? cause I know that I am a pretty hygienic person who doesn’t normally stink but it wouldn’t matter how much protection my anti perspirant offered, at the end of a cycling class I am pretty much guaranteed that nobody will approach me unless they have that stuff that coroners use to block the smell under their nose. no amount of “protection” can hide the fact that after 45 minutes of pretending to cycle up hill while shouting “all aboard, the night train” most people smell like they have been dug up by the dog – and if you don’t then you probably didn’t work hard enough…or your 48 hour protection actually works.
well new diet starts tomorrow…actually it’s an old diet that worked so it starts again tomorrow. since I stopped breast-feeding I have put on 4 kilos so now I only have 26 to lose yippee for me. so all those peeps in the RPM classes better get prepared for two things…one I have already covered – I will stink afterwards – the other is that the size of my arse makes Kim Kardashian’s look quite small so I will apologise in advance to the people on the bikes behind me…there will be a lot of movement in the weeks to come.
lately I have been watching a bit of MAX on foxtel – they have had 80’s music on in the mornings and I am an unabashed 80’s fan, the music, the fashion, the hair that made everyone look like they’re from texas, slogan tee’s, fluro for day wear not work wear and men wearing whatever they liked, including makeup, but not a metro sexual in sight. no matter how much they now try to reproduce the eighties it just looks like everyone tries too hard and it costs a bomb because it’s the “so hot right now” look. back in the eighties I was inspired by music and film clips – the choose life tee shirts in the wake me up before you go-go clip, anything Madonna wore, Boy George and Robert Smith from The Cure was a huge influence in the late eighties, oh and Billy Idol. when I was 16 I was a bridesmaid at my cousins wedding….it was the 80’s we wore hot pink taffeta dresses with puffy shoulders, white high heels and prior to the big day I sported a fabulous spiral perm. on the day we went to the hairdresser and I asked her not to brush through my curls but she did and then she used the most enormous rollers to give me very big bridesmaid hair that was finished off with one side swept up and held with a comb and a sprig of baby’s breath oh yeah I was rockin that look. anyway the following day I was hoping that if I washed my hair it would spring back to its former spiral glory, it didn’t. so my sista came to my rescue and shortly afterwards I went from sun bleached blond mop top to blue-black billy idol faux hawk. it was an interesting choice given that the area I grew up in was very much sun bleached blonde and not so much try hard gothic so to complete my look I stayed out of the sun and wore a lot of eyeliner and black clothing. I don’t know whether it was an 80’s thing or the fact that I was in my late teens but changing your look was totally acceptable and in my case commented on by others in club toilets….this eighties revival meeting I have been having – on my own – has caused me to forget why I started this post. there are certain words that conjure up images of horror in my mind. one of these words is discharge and while watching MAX I have been the unfortunate viewer of an ad that discusses vaginal discharge. I am not sure if advertising needs to go to such lengths….is nothing private anymore? specifically this ad refers to “that discharge between your period…” and how if you wear these special liners you will feel fresher for longer…or you could change your undies, drink more water and only wear natural fibres…just a thought. but do we really need to hear about it on the telly? not much is sacred these days as companies try to sell their products for many bodily functions and dysfunctions vaginal discharge, thrush, incontinence and erection problems are just a few of the issues you can now solve or live with more comfortably if you believe what the telly says – I am still pissed that the TV I pay for has ads at all, now they are using it for more direct marketing by offering you services if you press the red button, cheeky bastards making money from subscribers and advertisers. this is just one of the things that has bothered me recently and I would say that is due to my time spent sitting in front of the telly feeding Kenzi – I know, I know I should be sitting in a quiet place marvelling at the miracle of childbirth and how amazing it all is, and it IS totally awe-inspiring but once I got over the wow factor it’s now business as usual and consequently this post has taken me over two hours, three nappy changes and four feeds to write. and I made a management decision this morning to prioritize writing barrybadger because I enjoy it…things that got bumped are hanging out the washing and hoovering the tumbleweeds of MrRooben’s hair rolling around the floors.
I can’t finish on that, it’s just wrong. so back to my eighties revival as David Bowie sings Modern Love on my telly and reminds me that back then if you went to a concert and were lucky enough to sit on the flat section close to the stage you had a chance of running to the front once the lights went down. no one stopped you and no one complained that you were standing in front of them because everyone stood up. nowadays if you stand up guaranteed the person behind you will either complain loudly or tap you on the shoulder and ask you to sit down. and you have no chance of getting near the stage without getting taken down by some overly excited security guard. back in the eighties I managed to get up close to Elton John, ZZ Top, Bryan Ferry, Tina Turner and Queen to name a few and the tickets were a fraction of the relative cost today. maybe that explains why I frequently get told to “sit down, I paid good money for these tickets”. I also paid “good” money for my ticket and as a consequence I would like to enjoy myself by moving to the music – otherwise known as dancing – rather than sitting on my arse and applauding golf clap style after each tune. Bon Jovi demanded people stand up as did Lady Gaga but we did get tut tutted from behind when we bounced around to Jay Z when he supported U2. ahhhh the eighties we didn’t have any money, mobile phones or computers but we were pretty happy to make a mixed tape off the radio countdown and drink wine out of a cask. easy days…