the guessing game…

in all the information you can get about babies and their development and what’s “normal” and what’s not they say babies have different cries to let you know what they want or need. mine must be broken because she only has one cry and it goes from 0-100 in about 8.5 seconds, whatever she needs is urgent. I can’t help but feel for all the new first time mums who, like me, are trying to find that little difference in the crying to see if she wants feeding, changing, burping, sleeping or just holding. early on it was evident and Mr B Badger.com and I would know instantly what she needed, not so much now that she has hit three months. yesterday my besty and I went out for lunch. she had her two girls with her and when K Doggy started to cry one of the girls said “why is she crying?” I said I didn’t know, so she says “well how do you know what she is crying for?” and my besty summed it up for her and everyone else…”well you don’t know, cause little babies can’t speak so they cant tell you whats wrong so you just have to guess and keep guessing until they stop crying” pretty much nailed it. you’re not going to get that kind of advice in a baby book that’s for sure. and I think I only actually feed her 2/3 of the formula in the tin and the rest gets made up  and then turns out to be a wrong guess and down the sink it goes. yes the “f” word – formula – but you know what? her colic has stopped since becoming a formula only baby. she is soooo much happier and not in any pain trying to bring up wind. yes breast is best but maybe not a one size fits all solution. seriously it’s hard enough adjusting to life with a baby without the added pressure of sticking to breastfeeding when it’s not working. oh and to all the midwives, health nurses, doctors, chemists and do gooders out there….making a new mum feel bad about how she is feeding her baby is not helping her and making out that baby formula is doing damage to the baby is really not cool peeps so off the breast-feeding high horse please for the mental wellbeing of new mums if nothing else.

three months…my god where has it gone? having said that it does seem like a lifetime ago that I was wheeled into the theatre at 10am as just Mrs and Mr B Badger.com only to be wheeled out 30 minutes later with mini B Badger.com in tow. I still feel mild anxiety in the evenings but I laugh now at the emotional rollercoaster I was riding in the first few weeks after bring K Doggy home…not sure Mr B Badger.com experiences the same level of humour in looking back though…he thought I was going a bit bonkers there for a while. thanks to acupuncture and some good herbs I was quickly returned to my normal, only slightly bonkers, self.

well the weather is already starting to warm up, my old hormones are returning and they have bought the headaches along for the ride and both Mr B Badger.com and I are trying to lose our baby weight…I am already at my pre conception weight but, seriously, lets just say I started on a high point. so we are making an effort to get rid of some excess and look after ourselves so that when K Doggy starts running around we will be able to keep up…not quite ready for the marathon club yet but I’m workin on it…

what a swell party it was…

so it seems like a lifetime ago that I was having a shower in the special antiseptic “body wash” prior to being admitted to hospital for the birth of our daughter…certainly not the way I had hoped this day would play out but in a few short hours we would be introduced to the person who would change life, as we know it, forever. I have to say the staff at the hospital have the process nailed and it’s hard not to feel like you are on a conveyor belt just waiting for the next part of the process to begin…check in, provide a wee sample, change into your gown, meet the anesthetist, have any remaining pubes removed, have a visit by the nurses and so on and so forth. when it becomes very interesting is when we finally get to the “theatre” and it kind of feels like someone has said “number 3 your caesarean section is ready”. to say it was bizarre would be an understatement. the epidural is a procedure I would be in no hurry to repeat ever, the claustrophobia I experienced when they tried to put an oxygen mask on me was intense. willy wonka had asked me if I had any preference for the music played during the procedure and I said I didn’t mind but really it would have been nice to hear david bowie singing is there life on mars as he held our baby girl aloft…surreal. I think it probably felt to scott and I like we had been slapped with wet fish when the gum boot wearing sidekick popped our perfect baby girl on my partially numb chest – we both look a bit like stunned mullets in the pictures now I look back on them. once they have wrapped her up and counted all the instruments to ensure nothing has “gone missing” baby girl and I are wheeled back to our room where I am sure scott can’t wait to change out of his hospital scrubs that kind of made him look a bit like he was in some bad medical porn movie. I cant feel my legs and I have compression tights on and the nurses have also put some wrap thing around my calves which is connected to a pump that will ensure the blood continues to flow through my legs – cheers for that – cause you could remove my legs right about now and I would be none the wiser. as the effects of the epidural wear off the pain begins and whoa nelly that is some serious pain, but I am in hospital and they have some serious pain killers so to be perfectly honest the rest of friday and parts of saturday are moderately blurry and I can remember snippets of midwives coming in to help me breastfeed and to pump me full of drugs. by saturday night I was in a different room and off the medication, thankfully. mind you the nursing staff were still trying to give me painkillers every time they popped in to check my vitals. at one stage a midwife said to me “you don’t have to put up with the pain you know” to which I replied no, but you do usually have to be in pain in the first place…I found it quite amusing that I could have had incredibly strong painkillers on a fairly regular basis but I could only have two panadol once every six hours…in all honesty the most pain I had after the initial shock from the epidural wearing off came from not being able to do a poo. so i ordered prunes for breakfast and they worked like a charm – this is definitely a sharing kind of blog. it was a very strange feeling being in the hospital and I didn’t realise how comforting it was at the time to know that the nurses, midwives and nursery were available at any time. when willy wonka said I could go home on the tuesday instead of the wednesday I was overjoyed but as we loaded our new precious cargo into the car I was overwhelmed with the enormity of the responsibility we now had – not unusual for me, to be overwhelmed that is. it’s time for some acupuncture…

where’s your head at….

I wouldn’t consider myself  to be too “new age” or “alternative” or whatever the politically correct terminology is now but I do adopt certain aspects in my life and one of them is visualisation. seeing myself in a situation and playing it out in my head helps me to get through what would otherwise be daunting tasks. public speaking is something people generally have a fear of and yet I love it, as long as I have a few moments to visualise myself in the setting I can’t wait to get up there. so for the past nine or so months I have been visualising myself in the various stages of pregnancy and this has helped me cope with the many changes my body has gone through – only thing I failed to put into my vision was the miss piggy like trotters I walked on from about week 24 but hey I wasn’t trying to be too realistic! part of my most recent meditations has been on the arrival of our myffyn and how that might play out and in my head I had two scenarios – one I went into labour at home in the middle of the night and, once my contractions got to a certain point, my still half asleep husband drove me to the hospital where after a reasonable period of time myffyn appeared with a bit of push and shove and we all cried with joy and exhaustion….scenario two was that I went for my willy wonka appointment yesterday and upon feeling my cervix pronounced me ready to be induced and then we all head to the hospital the following day for the pending arrival. neither of my visions have prepared me for what is actually happening this friday when at 6.30am scotty and I roll up to the hospital for our baby to be delivered via caesarean section. back to the visualisation drawing board for me…I know if I don’t sit down and focus on how it will play out on friday, in my head now, I will be laying on the table in theatre looking like a stunned mullet as they hand me our myffyn. so I have today and tomorrow to get my head in the right space – something myffyn doesn’t want to do – and see myself giving birth in a whole new way. I will also have to put scotty into my vision wearing his hospital scrubs which will provide the fun factor for the day. I think that regardless of how much I aim to prepare myself it will still be a surreal experience shared with my husband and eight others…yes eight people on hand to ensure the safe delivery of one baby. scott said “I hope it’s a big room” willy wonka said “we wheel you in, sit you up, give you an epidural, you will feel warm and tingly then numb from the nipples down – we will check this with ice on your nipples – the nurse will insert a catheter and empty your bladder, I make a cut about yay big and move your bladder out of the way, then you will feel a bit of pushing and pulling and then the baby comes out and we hold the baby up for a picture, the paediatrician checks the baby is breathing ok then we wrap up the baby and give him/her to you for cuddles and more photos while I remove the placenta and stitch you back up. all up the actual delivery part can be done in two minutes” scotty will be lucky to have the camera out of the bag let alone focussed in that time! so it is actually happening, this friday we will actually get to finally meet our myffyn for the first time and even as I type this it still doesn’t feel real. sure I have a big pregnant belly and it moves in mysterious ways that provide endless entertainment for me, I still get up at least five times during the night to empty my bladder and I can no longer bend to pick things up but it still feels normal to me and like I still have quite a way to go. I dont…I have two days. in the words of the late steve irwin…CRIKEY. I think I liked it better when I didn’t know how it would play out because now that we have a plan and we know how and when I am proper nervous….