this past weekend my energy levels have seen more highs and lows than charlie sheen…big call I know but how else to explain that one minute I am cruising around the games room, tracky daks low slung under the bump, singlet pulled up to expose the bump while I shake my substantial bootie to LMFAO I’m sexy and I know it….watch the film clip and picture a heavily pregnant very white 40 something year old in there, it’s not pretty but it is a lot of fun watching Scotty’s reaction when I start rubbing my very shiny bump while gyrating my hips and singing I’m sexy and I know it. I am sure the boys from LMFAO would appreciate it – not sure about anyone else. I even took my new moves to lunch with me on sunday when we headed to the valley. I didn’t do the bump exposure move and I also didn’t have any cider but my pals thought I was amusing – I think that’s what they thought anyway, they were laughing….anyways so I can be busting the moves one minute and the next its crash and burn and I am asleep for three hours. I am not getting a lot of sleep at night and I really appreciate all the people who tell me to get used to that – thanks peeps. The amount of people who have tales of woe to offer up about having children is astounding, I am surprised anyone does it really and I am even more surprised at the same people who have such tales to tell that have more than one child. if it’s really that bad people why go back for more? if you went a saw a movie and it was utter tripe you seriously wouldn’t go again, would you? if you got food poisoning from a restaurant you wouldn’t venture through their doors again just to be sure it was from there you got the colon cleanse, would you? so if the experience of having children and raising them is so bloody awful why do it again? the money from the government just isn’t that big an incentive surely….
anyhoo so I went and saw my naturopath on saturday – willy wonka would be rolling his eyes if I told him so I wont – for some acupuncture. I love acupuncture, it’s not for everyone but it is for me so I was very pleased to see Pete on saturday for him to stick some needles in me and light them up for extra effect while I had the best 30 minute nap of the week – yes with flaming (literally) needles sticking out of my feet, legs, back and ears. good times indeed. I made it home had some lunch and said good night to Scott and went to bed waking up three hours later with Mr.Rooben lying next to me and a damp face from my own drool. this is a new thing during pregnancy and I am not sure if I googled it I would find too many people in online forums discussing the onset of excessive drool but it’s happening and it’s not sexy. I have had a drooling problem during acupuncture sessions in the past but this is a daily occurrence so I would have to put it down to pregnancy. I can just picture myself in the future telling pregnant women ohhhhh just wait until you start drooling in the last trimester….that can be my horror story to pass on.
so yesterday my parentals came down to help scotty put some logs into our front garden for a border to stop the lawn from growing in. I didn’t want to go with them to get the logs, preferring to hug a cup of tea and watch the kardashians or some other addictive rubbish on foxtel, but my adorable husband pointed out that he needed me to come otherwise my father would take over and scott isn’t able to overrule him. so off we go to oakfords and we need 8 logs at 2.1 meters long and 1 at 2.4 meters. dad has the boot open and the centre of his backseat pushed down and he is assessing the situation and stating that he reckons he can get 8 logs in there….now I am no engineer but taking into consideration the length and diameter of the logs and the space they have to fit through I would say 3 maybe 4 at a pinch so I suggest we get a trailer from oakfords and then we can get them all in one trip. dad says no she’ll be right we’ll fit them in. so shaking my head I leave them to it and go and pay for the logs telling the dude that they will probably have to make two trips cause my lunatic father wants to try to fit them in his car. so I get back to the car and we have three logs in the boot pushed through the centre seat and my dad has the rear passenger windows down and he is going to slide the rest of the logs through the windows leaving a bit hanging out one side. scott looks defeated, like he wanted to say to dad “let’s just get a trailer” but thought why bother. my dad is one of the most intelligent people I know but when he is in the zone he can make the most hilarious decisions. so i suggest why not just chuck one on the roof and hold onto it with his hand while driving….or lets get a trailer. I don’t get an argument, actually I don’t get anything cause I don’t stick around long enough, I just head back to the counter and ask if we can borrow a trailer for an hour. so the dude checks the trailer is working and also donates the rope to tie down the logs – but in an act of defiance dad doesn’t use the rope, of course. mum and I were long gone by then getting supplies for lunch. mum carries a bag big enough for her purse and her phone and mine is not much bigger so it shocked us both when the dude at the checkout said “can I check your bags?” what dodgy biartchs we must have looked a 60 something grandma and a 40 something pregnant chick, not quite thelma and louise now is it? and really if I was going to stuff my bag with stolen goods the local IGA would not be my store of choice…so the boys did a sensanal – yes that’s right sensanal like sensational but without all the extra syllables, I am married to a Yorkshireman after all – job on the front yard with the only thing left to do is secure the logs to each other. our area is quite ghetto and if it’s not nailed down someone will have a crack at it. we have lost pot plants, our rubbish bins, a chimnea and one night they actually dug plants out of our garden so we don’t like to spend too much money out there. yesterday a car that had already been reported to police as dumped got stolen by a couple of kids and they drove it around the neighbourhood on three wheels and one rim. they must have been high cause why would you? it was a bit of an eye opener for my parentals….
so today is “show us your cervix day” at willy wonkas. something to look forward to….role on 11am I say. nothing better than having a gloved up lubed up physician telling you to relax. I just hope he has some good news for me once he withdraws and we can get this show on the road. I also hope that the team at mothercare pull their finger out and delivery my nursery furniture 11 weeks to fulfil an order guys its time to stop taking the piss.
wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeh….i’m sexy and I know it.