so tonight Mr B Badger.com and I were discussing our parenthood journey so far and looking back at the first few weeks after we bought little boss home. the interesting thing is that in this age that we live in information is plentiful. we can turn to google at any time of the day or night and ask whatever question and know that it will give an answer – might not be a good one, but will definitely get a response. but in all this information overload and all the movies/docos/book/websites etc nothing can prepare you for it. I am a highly stressed person with laid back tendencies married to a seemingly unflappable guy with an addiction to planning and organising. so we are an interesting duo. when I think about the day we bought little boss home I laugh – now – but back then my stress levels were off the charts. see in the hospital it’s all pretty cruisy. you feed the baby, change the baby, feed yourself, change yourself and receive visitors – repeat. oh and if you are lucky you get a bit of sleep. the only things that change when you come home are you now have to prepare your own food – good luck and thank you belvita cereal biscuits – and you don’t have the safety net of the midwives to call on….this was the thing that impacted me the most. yes I freaked out about what she was wearing, how to get her in the capsule, was the capsule in the car right, should I sit in the back with her, why is she crying, why isn’t she crying, pull over so I can check that she is still breathing, yes she’s still breathing…sorry I am just stressed – nooooo really? where is the book that says all this stuff?? that says that all these feelings are totally normal and you are doing okay….see my besty popped round on the day we came home and she has three kids of her own so I value her input so I had a mini breakdown on her shoulder and she just said – you are doing a great job, she is perfect, relax. fast forward to seven months later and I finally have…relaxed that is. Mr B Badger.com and I are finally comfortable with this whole parenting thing and actually starting to enjoy it. the stress is still there – to be honest if I wasn’t stressing about something that would make me stress so round and round we go – I still pop in and make sure she is breathing….I find this particularly amusing because I only worry about it while looking at the baby monitor, when I go to bed I don’t actually worry about it – go figure. I still stress about the consistency of her food – is it smooth enough or is it too smooth, will she choke, what if she shoves the rusk all the way down her throat, is she getting enough fluid – and on and on the list goes I am sure you get the picture, and this is relaxed. fortunately for me little boss is the most laid back of us all and she gives me hope that I can get a little bit of calm in my life….
so it’s that time of the year again and let’s just say it brings a sense of unease….it’s 2.06am and I have ordered groceries online, comforted and fed an upset little boss, checked facebook, email and the closing price of bluescope steel shares and here I am at barry….with an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can’t explain. it’s a combination of worry that I may have forgotten something important and stress over the things I need to do. ridiculous really…if I have forgotten something important, well, I can’t change that and the things I have yet to do revolve around having a presentable environment for our christmas guests. the way I stress about this sort of thing you would think it is important when really it’s not. would I like to have the guest room all decked out with matching pillows and fancy linen – sure why not – do I hope that my guests are happy to have a clean and comfortable bed to sleep in – definitely…will there be clean towels in the bath room – yes – will they be fluffy and matching – probably not….will the floors be clean before the guests arrive – yes – will it still be clean when they get here – this depends on MrRooben and his desire to dig a hole in the garden and then run sand through the house at warp speed using the walls to stop himself as he slides on the floorboards. the amusing part about all my worry is that this year I have less guests at christmas than I have ever had and yet I still feel as though I have so much to do. my besty is going to thailand. smart move sister. in all honesty I enjoy having people over and cooking, drinking and eating and I look forward to christmas morning with a childlike enthusiasm that makes Mr B Badger.com shake his head. this year I will miss my father dragging out the present opening for as long as possible allowing only one person to open a present at a time and ordering breaks so that the presents last longer. we will probably do the same thing here and to ensure that our present opening goes for as long as possible I re-wrapped the gift my brother and sister-in-law sent for little boss into individual presents. australia post didn’t leave me much choice actually, by the time it had arrived it looked like it was wrapped by wolverine. I just can’t shake the feeling that I should be cleaning the blinds and washing the windows….like my guests are not stopping for lunch unless I pass the white glove test. maybe it’s that unspoken belief that as a stay at home mum I have all this time on my hands…tell that to the endless cups of cold yorkshire tea I have not had the time to drink in the past six months – and at the price we pay for yorkshire blend I have considered heating it up in the microwave. in all honesty even if I did have a spare couple of hours in the day I would much rather spend them making funny faces at little boss than washing walls. I don’t want to look back on my parental leave and think how great it was that I cleaned the house every day or explain to little boss that I missed her first word because she couldn’t shout it above the noise of the hoover. this year christmas day will hopefully be the most chilled out of all time. it is going to be forty degrees in the shade so we will be having a barby and salad and then spend the rest of the day floating around the pool – bliss. by then I will have forgotten all my worries about whether the shower glass is stain free and will just enjoy my time spent with friends and family having a laugh – mostly at ourselves….
so I recently watched what to expect when you’re expecting which is based on the book by Heidi Murkoff…this is one of those films that Mr B Badger.com would suffer through and then declare it as “a load of twaddle” afterwards, so I watched it on my own. and essentially I would have to agree with him. now it may just be that I am married to a man who hails from the north of england and romance doesn’t feature highly but do people actually say stuff to each other like they do on the movies?? please, if you or your significant other speak to each other in such a way let me know…and also please advise me if you do this because it comes naturally or because you think everyone does it cause that’s what they do on the movies – so it must be the norm. yes the whole conception to birth journey is amazing when you think about it but it’s also stressful, terrifying, emotional and the list goes on. they show some of this in the movie which was moderately amusing but they also show husbands and partners that look lovingly into the eyes of their woman and declare their undying love, admiration and respect. this is the bit I am wondering about. maybe I was too high on pain killers or a little confronted by the TEDS stockings and machine attached to my legs to keep the blood flowing but I don’t recall Mr B Badger.com looking anything but stunned and shattered in a “what the hell just happened” kind of way…and honestly if he had cracked out any of the common hollywood style phrases I would have assumed that he had also been drugged to his eyeballs. I know if a movie were based on my relationship it certainly wouldn’t leave people with the tear in the eye kind of warm and fuzzy feeling you get from watching movie relationships because it’s essentially hard to capture on camera the subtlety behind many of our moments. we don’t hold hands, hug or do any public displays of affection – we don’t really do private displays of affection either when I think about it, it’s just not our thing. it is, however, the reason that people flock to the cinema to watch “chick flicks”. you don’t see hollywood writing wedding night scenes where you share an adjoining room with your newly acquired mother and sister-in-law or on your honeymoon on the island of mykonos you are booked into a room that has two single beds…unless its going to be a comedy as it’s not really passion inducing. now that I have been up since 1.30am and it’s now almost 3am I am beginning to think that we are the exception to all this loving behaviour that is perpetuated by film producers…while they were prepping me for my spinal block, the overly talkative nurse – obviously a technique to distract you from the environment and what it about to happen – said to Mr B Badger.com “you can sit over here and hold her hand”, which on the silver screen would have been portrayed by him looking at me with reassurance in his eyes and a “you’re doing great honey” out of his mouth. how it actually played out was more like this…
nurse: “you can sit over here and hold her hand”
husband: wheels stool to sit next to wife and awkwardly takes her hand in his while looking like a stunned mullet
wife: sitting on bed, breathing deeply to keep a panic attack at bay, stares straight ahead and says “don’t touch me”
now I know what it was like to go through it and I have to say it was probably more confronting for Mr B Badger.com than for myself, but now that I remember that little exchange I do think our relationship is more on the side of a comedy – sometimes even dark comedy – than romance or even rom com and I prefer it that way as it’s far more fun for us to laugh about our antics….okay little boss has finally gone back to sleep so im off to catch another hour or so of shut-eye. I welcome your thoughts on the fantasy versus reality of the movie world especially if that movie myth is your real life day to day…ni ni neville.
so little K Doggy just went through leap 4 of the wonder weeks and what an experience it was. I remembered reading about the wonder weeks while spending an obscene amount of time online waiting for K Dogg to arrive.
“Dutch doctors Frans Plooj & Dr Hetty van de Rijt came up with the term ‘wonder weeks’ to describe the mental developmental leaps babies experience in their first 20 months of life. These leaps occur at 10 specific times, and Plooj and van de Rijt found that the leaps they were related to brain and nervous system changes, enabling babies to broaden their perceptual and sensory awareness after each leap”
so leap 4 occurs anytime between 14.5 and 19.5 weeks and for K Doggy it was week 19 based on her due date not actual birth date. anyhoo so tuesday morning I was wondering where my usually happy, chatty and normal baby had disappeared to and why had she been replaced by this grumpy, fussy, crying, screaming, grunting, frustrated, clingy, hungry then not and unable to settle, crazy baby. was she teething? did she have colic? had she been bitten by something – we have quite a good supply of red back spiders on hand – or even worse was this karma getting me back for secretly gloating about how great she has been? so tuesday was pretty bad but wednesday really took me to a bad place. we were meant to go to our active parenting class at 11am and I was really looking forward to meeting some new peeps and giving K Dogg some time in the hydro pool…at 1030 she was still inconsolable so we sat on the lounge all day. I didn’t eat and I didn’t shower. the only reason I moved off the couch was to get K Dogg some more food – which she didn’t eat – and to change her nappy. I had some homeopathic for teething relief so I gave her some of that just in case it was teething and she slept solidly, but on my lap. I felt like some crazy person with wild hair and food caught in my teeth even though I hadn’t eaten since the previous night. imagine my despair when Mr B Badger.com messaged to say that he had been asked to work back…oh my god are you serious? why today? anyhoo so while I was sat on the lounge I was making google my friend and once again stumbled across the wonder weeks information. I think my google search was for “clingy, crying, screaming, 4 month old baby” and as I read the information and the comments from other mums it all came back to me….I just had to get her – and me – through the next days and she would be back to her old self but with some new mad skills to practise. so when my hard-working husband walked through the door at 5pm he took one look at me and said “go have a shower, love” I must have looked real bad cause he was really dirty and sweaty and having worked in the same industry the last thing you want to do is spend anymore time than is absolutely necessary in your heavy uniform covered in steel dust and sweat. so I hoovered down a chicken sandwich and washed the stink off me and armed with this new information about little K Dogg and her new leap I felt less anxious and able to continue for as long as it takes.
by saturday she was back to her old, but new and improved, self. she has a nap in the morning now….not for long just a 45 minute break but then she is able to box on for quite a while. she is very chatty and even more observant than before. her grasping skills are better and her ability to get something into her mouth without stabbing herself in the eye has improved. she is starting to notice how the things that she touches move and she repeats this. but she is not so good on her tummy…she does a mean superman and rocks back and forward on her tummy but the mini push up she should be executing is yet to come…maybe she wont be a crawler, preferring instead to just walk. in all honestly that would be more hygienic given the tumbleweeds of Mr Roobens hair that roll around our floors we may end up with two fur kids if we let her loose on these floors…
this was k doggs first sound alike sentence…while she was playing in her playpen and we were watching on while drinking coffee little k dogg put some sounds together that resembled the phrase I love dan quayle. and who wouldn’t love dan? a man whose quotes while serving as vice pres to bush include “I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy — but that could change.” and “If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” and “We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.” oh my god I could go on and on, what gems of wisdom. reminds me of a guy I worked with who came up with such pearls in meetings such as “where we’re at is where we’re at” and “it is what it is” and my personal fave “I need to know what I need to know so that my people know what they need to know” we dubbed these pearls of wisdom as walkerisms – his surname is walker – and as it is customary in our culture we took the piss out of him at every opportunity and in good form he took it all on the chin. but he was just one dude in a management role for a steel company…not the vice preso of the old US of A, how I would have loved to have worked with Dan if only to take the total piss out of his ridiculous quotes.
anyhoo – k dogg is coming up for four months old and I think I miss being pregnant…not the baby in the belly feeling so much as the – it’s ok to be huge – feeling. lets just say that getting the motivation and energy to snap back into shape is proving to be a little harder than I had originally thought. and while I am sure Mel B just adored the taste of Jenny Craig’s food I prefer mine to taste more like food and less like it should be consumed by astronauts and produced in a lab. likewise I don’t have gunnar petersen on speed dial so any exercise or training program I undertake will be of my own doing. unfortunately if I did have a spare hour or two of waking time I would actually prefer to spend it asleep than lifting heavy things. right now I think I need sleep more than anything else. even though little k dogg is sleeping through the night, I am not. I spend quite a bit of my time listening to her breathing and worrying if she has a snuffly nose, when I do actually sleep my dreams are vivid and scary – last week I was chased by a lion and awoke exhausted, of course – not to mention that I share a bed with a man who sounds like a drag car while sleeping. I really feel for women that have to return to work so soon after giving birth – I would be like the walking dead if I was at work right now and I am sure my boss would be less than impressed if I used my time at work as my nap time. it’s a catch 22 really. I know that if I exercised more I would feel more energised but I am completely knackered so even the thought of exercising makes me want to take a nap. oh well I will try to make an effort…it would be easier if I hadn’t been such a big hole and enrolled in four units of my diploma course this semester. two would have been plenty and then I could also have done a bit more “me” stuff but noooooo why enrol in only two when you can enrol in four units and look after a baby, and yourself and a husband and a dog and a house – what a freaking lunatic I must be.
so the western australian government launches its sex offender website today. really if they are that bad that you need to see who they are and get them publicly outed then shouldnt they be locked up?
I just completed a post on my recent visitors and when I hit publish it asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this and I said yes and then my post dissappeared…no draft, nothing, just a blank page for me to start all over again. awesome. what I had written wont seem nearly as entertaining to me second time around so I will have to come up with something else.
so yesterday I said farewell to my cousin, who is more like my sister, and her lovely daughter. I don’t think it has ever bothered me as much, being so far away from family, as it has now. we have lived in western australia since 1988 and the rest of our rellies are spread out all over Australia the UK and USA. I grew up knowing my cousins and spending time with them but for little K Dogg this looks to be impossible. she will know who everyone in the family is but the logistics of actually getting together just make it too hard – thankfully we can use skype to keep in touch with my brother and his family and I still hold out for that lotto win but in the mean time once I return to work we will start to save some moolah to be able to travel.
I am so grateful that my cous and her girl were able to come and spend some time hanging out with the B Badgers and K Dogg and now that they have returned to the other side of the country I have a new lease on life. I had started to get into a bit of a daily routine that involved not much other than caring for K Dogg and waiting for Mr B Badger.com to come home. having “the dynamo” come to stay was great and if Mr B Badger.com thinks I struggle to sit down and relax he has just witnessed what it is like ten fold. my cous is a force to be reckoned with…washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking, playing with K Dogg, throwing the ball to Mr Rooben, more washing, more cleaning, more more more…I would say she will need a holiday from her holiday but I know her well enough to know that things are no different at her place. other than she has a bigger clothesline….she took one look at my Mrs Peggs collapsible number and laughed. but as I explained to her if you have a bigger line then you are tempted to do more washing cause you have more space to hang it on. with the old Mrs Peggs you can only do a couple of loads before she’s full and then you have to wait til it’s all dry, perfect. and if she was tempted to use the dryer while she was here she needed a step to get up close to it cause it was put on the wall by a giant…failing to find a step she used a stack of books, ironically one of which is The Toyota Way which is about improving process’ to make work more efficient – well done.
anyhoo so now that the house has returned to just the four of us I have come up with a schedule that involves walking, household chores, study time and weight training to keep my days nice and full. I have to exercise, it keeps me sane. I should get a tee-shirt printed with “exercise to exorcise”. I have to prioritize things the right way for me and unfortunately that may upset some people but I don’t want to be that person who regrets not taking time for themselves and just doing what others expected of them. I am certain this will affect some people as our lives have changed substantially in the past four months and we have K Dogg to think about now. so that we can still be around to see her into her forties we are going to have to be a bit selfish and spend time making sure we are as fit and healthy as we can be. this started today for me as I set out on a walk that ended with me soaked to the skin and K Dogg dry as a bone and sound asleep in her pram. I hadn’t planned on jogging just yet but started doing some interval training closely followed by a sprint home – not easy while pushing a pram that is also being pushed by a headwind. tomorrow will be upper body weights…it’s been a while so I hope I can remember to take it easy…
in all the information you can get about babies and their development and what’s “normal” and what’s not they say babies have different cries to let you know what they want or need. mine must be broken because she only has one cry and it goes from 0-100 in about 8.5 seconds, whatever she needs is urgent. I can’t help but feel for all the new first time mums who, like me, are trying to find that little difference in the crying to see if she wants feeding, changing, burping, sleeping or just holding. early on it was evident and Mr B Badger.com and I would know instantly what she needed, not so much now that she has hit three months. yesterday my besty and I went out for lunch. she had her two girls with her and when K Doggy started to cry one of the girls said “why is she crying?” I said I didn’t know, so she says “well how do you know what she is crying for?” and my besty summed it up for her and everyone else…”well you don’t know, cause little babies can’t speak so they cant tell you whats wrong so you just have to guess and keep guessing until they stop crying” pretty much nailed it. you’re not going to get that kind of advice in a baby book that’s for sure. and I think I only actually feed her 2/3 of the formula in the tin and the rest gets made up and then turns out to be a wrong guess and down the sink it goes. yes the “f” word – formula – but you know what? her colic has stopped since becoming a formula only baby. she is soooo much happier and not in any pain trying to bring up wind. yes breast is best but maybe not a one size fits all solution. seriously it’s hard enough adjusting to life with a baby without the added pressure of sticking to breastfeeding when it’s not working. oh and to all the midwives, health nurses, doctors, chemists and do gooders out there….making a new mum feel bad about how she is feeding her baby is not helping her and making out that baby formula is doing damage to the baby is really not cool peeps so off the breast-feeding high horse please for the mental wellbeing of new mums if nothing else.
three months…my god where has it gone? having said that it does seem like a lifetime ago that I was wheeled into the theatre at 10am as just Mrs and Mr B Badger.com only to be wheeled out 30 minutes later with mini B Badger.com in tow. I still feel mild anxiety in the evenings but I laugh now at the emotional rollercoaster I was riding in the first few weeks after bring K Doggy home…not sure Mr B Badger.com experiences the same level of humour in looking back though…he thought I was going a bit bonkers there for a while. thanks to acupuncture and some good herbs I was quickly returned to my normal, only slightly bonkers, self.
well the weather is already starting to warm up, my old hormones are returning and they have bought the headaches along for the ride and both Mr B Badger.com and I are trying to lose our baby weight…I am already at my pre conception weight but, seriously, lets just say I started on a high point. so we are making an effort to get rid of some excess and look after ourselves so that when K Doggy starts running around we will be able to keep up…not quite ready for the marathon club yet but I’m workin on it…
yesterday I took my little farty pants to have her first round of immunisation needles…that’s after I had spent the morning being physically ill at the thought of injecting who knows what into our little doo dah. now I do like a bit of worry and stress in my life, hell who doesn’t right? so I had done quite a bit of research into the pro’s and con’s of immunisation and found it’s quite a touchy subject for a lot of people, both for and against. turns out this parenting gig can get a bit controversial at times and there are a few more topics that should be otherwise avoided at dinner parties than politics and religion. immunisation is one of these topics. it seems quite strange to me that it would even be a discussion topic since it is almost compulsory to participate in the national immunisation program, not much to talk about really. anyway our little doo dah got a jab in each leg and one vaccine orally – which she liked the taste of – then we waited just in case she had a reaction. her “reaction” to the source of my stress and worry was to have a feed and go to sleep. so I understand the need for immunisation and having had whooping-cough as an adult I can only imagine how deadly it could be for a baby but I just don’t trust the pharma companies that make the vaccines. anyhoo so she had her jabs and didn’t have any major reaction and has slept through the night for the past two nights so good-o and here’s hoping that goes for a few more days cause I exhausted myself stressing about getting her needles so I need some more sleep!
so to the title of this post…I really dislike shopping. yes I am definitely a woman and I really dislike shopping of any kind. grocery, gift, clothing whatever it is I don’t like it. grocery shopping is my least favourite – it’s the other people shopping slowly, the people who ride around in those motorised carts that are to big for the aisles, the stacks of stuff on special placed at the end of each aisle, the 30 check-outs with only 6 open and the fact that the whole place seems refrigerated. so now that I am home most days I decided to get my groceries delivered and have been doing so for the past three weeks. so week one I told anyone who would listen – and some that wouldn’t – how fantastic this new shopping experience was and how everyone should get on board. why battle it out from carpark to checkout if you can just open your front door and have your stuff delivered right to your kitchen? so week two delivery was all good until I got to saturday and when I got my juice out of the fridge the container felt a bit bloated so I checked the use by date and it was out of date – I got an awesome three days to drink two litres of juice which ended up getting consumed by the drain. oh well not to worry….then this weeks order arrived and it turns out I may have to go back to dodging motorised carts and promo stacks cause stuff I ordered isn’t there and stuff I didn’t want is and if it was a case of substitution I could probably understand but when I ordered rissoles I got schnitzel and instead of croissants, white bread. based on the increase in mistakes with my order I think I will quit while I can still afford to. although just the thought of going back to pushing a wonky wheeled trolley makes me cringe. I have sent them an email just to see what they do – it would be nice if they sent someone round with the croissants and the rissoles and I can hand back the schnitzel and bread but I need to think straight and get serious, it wont happen.
what is it with those motorised carts anyway?? they are huge and can go at a cracking pace and the people who operate them get really angry if you don’t give them a wide berth. I want to know what would happen if you were to just ride into the shopping centre on a quad bike? not that much bigger than nan’s “cart” and other than the speed and the noise what is the difference…yeah not a good argument but I am scarred by the nut job that ran over my foot in woolies and then yelled at me for being in the way of the deodorant…
when I checked the mail today I received the victoria’s secret catalogue….I wish I could order myself a victoria’s secret body to go with the lingerie. I know I know they’re not old ducks like me but even when I was their age I didn’t look anywhere near that fit. so I best hit the home gym cause I think it’s long overdue and while I wont ever end up with a body like miranda kerr I might eventually be able to buy a pair of panties from vicky’s secret that will fit….maybe.
scotty has returned to work this morning so that leaves me at home with kenzi and Mr Rooben, neither of which say much so barrybadger will probably cop a hammering of posts over the next few days as I attempt to communicate. the past two weeks have been interesting and I have learnt quite a bit about myself and the behaviours I need to try to manage on a daily basis if I am to succeed in my motherhood quest. I have already documented my high anxiety in barrybadger posts gone by and scott and I had already flagged that I would need to be mindful of this when we came home with our ultimate prize otherwise I would probably never sleep again. throughout my pregnancy I managed to avoid the google and all the other advice we can access at the touch of a button as I didn’t want to over think every kick, hiccup and movement or lack thereof. then our bundle arrived and all of a sudden I am reading everything put in front of me and listening to every bit of contradictory advice thrown my way. the midwives in the hospital say wake her up for a feed every two to three hours or she wont get enough, the community nurse says as long as she is doing enough business in her nappies there is no need to wake her she will wake of her own accord and the google supports both arguments and provides vivid descriptions of what can happen if she gets dehydrated….and thats just feeding. I cant help but think that utilising the services of old Dr Spock’s handbook 40 odd years ago may have been a better way to go rather than the over-supply of information we have today. the community nurse left me with enough toilet reading material to last well into my 41st year and the two showbags you get from the hospital have an abundance of suggested necessities that you simply cannot do without. I am struggling to understand why they even bother making clothing other than singlets and onesies in sizes suitable for newborns because they do business that often you just don’t need to add removal of cool looking outfit to your playbook. no sooner have you removed the outfit, changed the stink bum, and put the outfit back on you see what you now recognise as “the poo face” that is quickly followed by the pants rumble and you start it all again. onesie all the way I say…anyhoo the one thing they really don’t prepare you for in any of the conversations with midwives or in the barrage of supplied literature is the potential for you to feel so sad and alone. yes your hormones are going bananas and yes this is the biggest and most important job you will ever do and the enormity of it all can get to you and really when it does it is terrifying and I have had times during the past two weeks when I have wanted to just curl into a ball and be left alone to just cry…so I went for acupuncture on friday and will continue to get treatment until my hormones regain some sort of balance and the fog of depression starts to lift. fortunately for me I have some very amazing people in my life who support me without smothering me, cause that wouldn’t work! we are also very lucky to have a new baby that only wakes once during the night at the moment so both of us are getting a decent amount of sleep….not sure if this trend will continue but I have all fingers crossed that it does.
it has been a relatively heavy post this morning so I will end it on a smile…whoever said only boys are a challenge to change had never met a girl like ours….so far I have been shot by the urine arc of kenzi three times, she is mastering the art of waiting until the nappy comes off, pulling her legs back and shooting me with her wee. lucky for me I am getting used to being wet from most of her bodily fluids and some of my own – loving the leaky boob – so if you see me out and I smell a little like wee, poo or stale milk be sure and let me know – i promise to only be mildly embarrassed and not at all offended!
so it seems like a lifetime ago that I was having a shower in the special antiseptic “body wash” prior to being admitted to hospital for the birth of our daughter…certainly not the way I had hoped this day would play out but in a few short hours we would be introduced to the person who would change life, as we know it, forever. I have to say the staff at the hospital have the process nailed and it’s hard not to feel like you are on a conveyor belt just waiting for the next part of the process to begin…check in, provide a wee sample, change into your gown, meet the anesthetist, have any remaining pubes removed, have a visit by the nurses and so on and so forth. when it becomes very interesting is when we finally get to the “theatre” and it kind of feels like someone has said “number 3 your caesarean section is ready”. to say it was bizarre would be an understatement. the epidural is a procedure I would be in no hurry to repeat ever, the claustrophobia I experienced when they tried to put an oxygen mask on me was intense. willy wonka had asked me if I had any preference for the music played during the procedure and I said I didn’t mind but really it would have been nice to hear david bowie singing is there life on mars as he held our baby girl aloft…surreal. I think it probably felt to scott and I like we had been slapped with wet fish when the gum boot wearing sidekick popped our perfect baby girl on my partially numb chest – we both look a bit like stunned mullets in the pictures now I look back on them. once they have wrapped her up and counted all the instruments to ensure nothing has “gone missing” baby girl and I are wheeled back to our room where I am sure scott can’t wait to change out of his hospital scrubs that kind of made him look a bit like he was in some bad medical porn movie. I cant feel my legs and I have compression tights on and the nurses have also put some wrap thing around my calves which is connected to a pump that will ensure the blood continues to flow through my legs – cheers for that – cause you could remove my legs right about now and I would be none the wiser. as the effects of the epidural wear off the pain begins and whoa nelly that is some serious pain, but I am in hospital and they have some serious pain killers so to be perfectly honest the rest of friday and parts of saturday are moderately blurry and I can remember snippets of midwives coming in to help me breastfeed and to pump me full of drugs. by saturday night I was in a different room and off the medication, thankfully. mind you the nursing staff were still trying to give me painkillers every time they popped in to check my vitals. at one stage a midwife said to me “you don’t have to put up with the pain you know” to which I replied no, but you do usually have to be in pain in the first place…I found it quite amusing that I could have had incredibly strong painkillers on a fairly regular basis but I could only have two panadol once every six hours…in all honesty the most pain I had after the initial shock from the epidural wearing off came from not being able to do a poo. so i ordered prunes for breakfast and they worked like a charm – this is definitely a sharing kind of blog. it was a very strange feeling being in the hospital and I didn’t realise how comforting it was at the time to know that the nurses, midwives and nursery were available at any time. when willy wonka said I could go home on the tuesday instead of the wednesday I was overjoyed but as we loaded our new precious cargo into the car I was overwhelmed with the enormity of the responsibility we now had – not unusual for me, to be overwhelmed that is. it’s time for some acupuncture…