frustrations of a seven month old….

little boss
little boss

little boss is almost crawling. she has mastered the art of sitting and can launch herself into a crawl position but the ability to move forward on hands and knees alludes her. backwards she can do with ease however that’s when her frustration at watching her bongos get further away rather than within reach comes into play. I am conscious of not always moving her or the item she so desperately wants and most of the time a bit of encouragement helps her along….well it actually helps her to scoot under the pool table but at least she’s moving. sometimes it all gets too much and she just face plants, other times she lets her frustration out in the form of a banshee wail that makes me thankful that all our neighbours work day jobs. it is fascinating to watch her try to work things out…whether it’s putting something in her mouth, passing objects from hand to hand, holding her own bottle or trying to feed herself – always amusing – at times I can see the concentration and then the frustration when it doesn’t go according to plan….and the joy when it does. yesterday she took great pleasure in watching me retrieve her dolly off the floor only to kick it back out of the pram again. pretty sure if my legs were in better shape we could have played this game for hours. last week she was lying on her mat while I was in the kitchen and I realised everything had gone quiet – too quiet for me – so I ventured to the mat to find her laying back on a pillow with her sir prance-a-lot book open at the page that has ribbons on it. she was just feeling the ribbons between her thumb and fingers and of course I got emotional thinking how it must be to use your senses for the very first time. i still remember the look on her face the very first time we gave her solid food…the texture and taste must have been so overwhelming yet for us it was just a case of it being the right time to introduce her to the world of food. I really hope she crawls soon so her independence will increase….I know many mums and dads will be thinking be careful what you wish for, and I have had many people tell me how life will change once she starts moving. I welcome these changes…bring it on I say. the inconvenience of childproofing the house will be easily outweighed by the elation on her face when she can finally chase MrRooben around the house. now we just need to get the people at enjo to make knee pads…

bob dylan was right…

the times are definitely a-changin round here. I am pretty sure that most first time parents – well most that admit it afterwards – would tell you that they went into parenthood thinking that their lives would still be theirs and the new addition would have to “fit in” with it. we knew that there would be a shift in things and that it would be some time before we would be able to do what we once took for granted. like mountain bike riding for example. life blb – before little boss – saw us taking off on the weekends as we pleased and returning whenever it suited us….life alb see’s a couple of quality bikes upside down in the spare room gathering the wrong kind of dust. due to the fact that we had never factored in having a child we have accumulated lots of toys….bikes, golf clubs, camping gear, squash racquets, tennis racquets, beer on tap, a pool table….you name it, if we wanted it we bought it. now all of our pennies go elsewhere and our toys remain mostly unused and stored until some unknown time in the future when we can dust them off and get back on the bike – so to speak. tomorrows change is structural and that’s why I am lamenting on old bob dylan’s tune now…tomorrow we are moving our pool table to  a different room to make the biggest room in our house more user-friendly in preparation for little boss to start moving around and there goes all our intentions of having her fit in with us. turns out calling her little boss is spot on…she doesn’t even know it but she has ruled the roost here since day one and will probably continue to. the only member of our family not affected by the arrival of little boss is MrRooben. and while she smiles and laughs and reaches out for him several times a day he is playing it cool and will allow her to pat him only when he feels like it. this will all change when she is old enough to throw him the ball. he is part staffy and rarely does anything without a ball or a rope in his mouth….so once she can master the ball thrower she will be wishing he still treated her with indifference and while other parents might long for a time when their kids can help with the household chores, at the haus of halford we will be paying pocket-money for time spent exhausting MrRooben….I just hope this time doesn’t come too quickly…

the christmas spirit…

so it’s that time of the year again and let’s just say it brings a sense of unease….it’s 2.06am and I have ordered groceries online, comforted and fed an upset little boss, checked facebook, email and the closing price of bluescope steel shares and here I am at barry….with an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can’t explain. it’s a combination of worry that I may have forgotten something important and stress over the things I need to do. ridiculous really…if I have forgotten something important, well, I can’t change that and the things I have yet to do revolve around having a presentable environment for our christmas guests. the way I stress about this sort of thing you would think it is important when really it’s not. would I like to have the guest room all decked out with matching pillows and fancy linen – sure why not – do I hope that my guests are happy to have a clean and comfortable bed to sleep in – definitely…will there be clean towels in the bath room – yes – will they be fluffy and matching – probably not….will the floors be clean before the guests arrive – yes – will it still be clean when they get here – this depends on MrRooben and his desire to dig a hole in the garden and then run sand through the house at warp speed using the walls to stop himself as he slides on the floorboards. the amusing part about all my worry is that this year I have less guests at christmas than I have ever had and yet I still feel as though I have so much to do. my besty is going to thailand. smart move sister. in all honesty I enjoy having people over and cooking, drinking and eating and I look forward to christmas morning with a childlike enthusiasm that makes Mr B Badger.com shake his head. this year I will miss my father dragging out the present opening for as long as possible allowing only one person to open a present at a time and ordering breaks so that the presents last longer. we will probably do the same thing here and to ensure that our present opening goes for as long as possible I re-wrapped the gift my brother and sister-in-law sent for little boss into individual presents. australia post didn’t leave me much choice actually, by the time it had arrived it looked like it was wrapped by wolverine. I just can’t shake the feeling that I should be cleaning the blinds and washing the windows….like my guests are not stopping for lunch unless I pass the white glove test. maybe it’s that unspoken belief that as a stay at home mum I have all this time on my hands…tell that to the endless cups of cold yorkshire tea I have not had the time to drink in the past six months – and at the price we pay for yorkshire blend I have considered heating it up in the microwave. in all honesty even if I did have a spare couple of hours in the day I would much rather spend them making funny faces at little boss than washing walls. I don’t want to look back on my parental leave and think how great it was that I cleaned the house every day or explain to little boss that I missed her first word because she couldn’t shout it above the noise of the hoover. this year christmas day will hopefully be the most chilled out of all time. it is going to be forty degrees in the shade so we will be having a barby and salad and then spend the rest of the day floating around the pool – bliss. by then I will have forgotten all my worries about whether the shower glass is stain free and will just enjoy my time spent with friends and family having a laugh – mostly at ourselves….

the squeaky door gets the oil…

normally I would be using this as a saying meaning those that continue to make the most noise tend to get the most attention – which is so very true now that we have little boss – but I am saying it today in the literal sense. all, and I mean all, of the doors in our house squeak of creak on closing and opening and to be perfectly honest up until recently it hasn’t bothered us at all. whats changed??? well we now have a five month old little boss who wakes at the slightest noise so the very loud squeaky bedroom door just doesn’t cut it, especially when I have managed to finally get her to sleep and I have all my clothes ready for my much awaited shower only to find that my panties are trapped behind the now closed bedroom door. and knowing that opening the door will let out a long and loud creak worthy of an Addams Family sound effect I chose to go commando. little boss will wake at the most random sounds and given that MrRooben has to violently shake himself every time he stands up he no longer wears a collar while we are at home as the noise from his collar shaking would wake her….now just the sound of his ears flapping against his head and his tail against his bum is enough to bring her out of what seemed like a deep sleep. so we have purchased the biggest can of WD-40 on the market and have it poised for action for this to become a quiet, squeak free environment. The WD-40 will always come in handy as it can clean crayon off most surfaces so fingers crossed our wall colour will remain throughout the “artistic” phase most kids go through.

so many new reasons for little boss to wake from her seemingly solid slumber at the moment…until very recently she could only roll from front to back and even then wasn’t really that keen, preferring instead to lay superman style until someone responded to her banshee like wailing and flipped her over. now she is quite content laying on her side and in some cases face planted into the mattress. the unfortunate condition this creates usually involves one leg getting stuck in between the rungs of the cot, then we all wake up to screams which would normally indicate complete removal of the leg only to find it is just hanging out. at least it seems the whole mattress is getting a work out now. two weeks ago she would just lay on her back in the same place all nioght….now she covers every square inch of the cot several times over before finally coming to rest. hunger has started to wake her up and this only started when we introduced solids…that was meant to make her sleep longer but ahhh not so much here so I am back to the middle of the night feeds which is making me look every single one of my 41 years. other reasons for her to wake are the new neighbor who drives a WRX with a thumping exhaust and stereo to match, I see your WRX and I raise you one screaming, over tired baby while you are trying to study…. then there’s MrRooben who contributes to the sleeplessness by barking or howling at completely the wrong time, every time. Ahhhh the joys. If only WD-40 worked as an all-purpose silencer life would be grand….for now we will have to be content with the soundless closing of doors and hope that little boss gets tuckered out enough to withstand all the other noise we can’t control…

halfway there…

so six months ago I started this blog asking myself the question – how hard can it be? – of course I was referring to taking 12 months out of the workforce to be a fulltime mum. I can’t believe it’s been six months…which means I only have six months to go. time has just flown by and little boss is learning new mad skills everyday now. she was playing peek a boo with Mr B Badger.com the other night and it took him a couple of times to figure out what she was doing. she is laughing and rolling and getting enjoyment from sucking her toes that sarah ferguson would be proud of. as for me I can’t believe it has taken me almost all of the past six months to just aim to go with the flow. I can always find something to stress out about and relaxing has never been a strong point for me but I am really looking forward to the next six months…we will have less money than ever due to my parental leave payments finishing in January and Mr B Badger.com working for a company that will probably end up doing its business in china someday soon but we have everything we need for a pretty cruisy summer so lets hope western australia puts on a great weather show for us over the next six months and I can return to work energised and ready to start the next chapter of barrybadger.com…as for this time in my life I asked the question how hard can it be and so far my answer is as hard as you make it. of course I have a very happy and healthy baby in little boss who only really gives me a hard time when she is going through her wonder weeks so for the most part I need to be more laid back in myself and just go with the flow. yesterday we went to the foreshore and I laid little boss on a blanket under a tree which amused her until she fell asleep…that is what I need to be doing more of, the tumbleweeds of MrRoobens hair will still be there when I get home so my aim is going to be to take us off to the foreshore for a healthy dose of negative ions once a week…

wonder weeks….wonder if I will make it

so little K Doggy just went through leap 4 of the wonder weeks and what an experience it was. I remembered reading about the wonder weeks while spending an obscene amount of time online waiting for K Dogg to arrive.

“Dutch doctors Frans Plooj & Dr Hetty van de Rijt came up with the term ‘wonder weeks’ to describe the mental developmental leaps babies experience in their first 20 months of life. These leaps occur at 10 specific times, and Plooj and van de Rijt found that the leaps they were related to brain and nervous system changes, enabling babies to broaden their perceptual and sensory awareness after each leap”

so leap 4 occurs anytime between 14.5 and 19.5 weeks and for K Doggy it was week 19 based on her due date not actual birth date. anyhoo so tuesday morning I was wondering where my usually happy, chatty and normal baby had disappeared to and why had she been replaced by this grumpy, fussy, crying, screaming, grunting, frustrated, clingy, hungry then not and unable to settle, crazy baby. was she teething? did she have colic? had she been bitten by something – we have quite a good supply of red back spiders on hand – or even worse was this karma getting me back for secretly gloating about how great she has been? so tuesday was pretty bad but wednesday really took me to a bad place. we were meant to go to our active parenting class at 11am and I was really looking forward to meeting some new peeps and giving K Dogg some time in the hydro pool…at 1030 she was still inconsolable so we sat on the lounge all day. I didn’t eat and I didn’t shower. the only reason I moved off the couch was to get K Dogg some more food – which she didn’t eat – and to change her nappy. I had some homeopathic for teething relief so I gave her some of that just in case it was teething and she slept solidly, but on my lap. I felt like some crazy person with wild hair and food caught in my teeth even though I hadn’t eaten since the previous night. imagine my despair when Mr B Badger.com messaged to say that he had been asked to work back…oh my god are you serious? why today? anyhoo so while I was sat on the lounge I was making google my friend and once again stumbled across the wonder weeks information. I think my google search was for “clingy, crying, screaming, 4 month old baby” and as I read the information and the comments from other mums it all came back to me….I just had to get her – and me – through the next days and she would be back to her old self but with some new mad skills to practise. so when my hard-working husband walked through the door at 5pm he took one look at me and said “go have a shower, love” I must have looked real bad cause he was really dirty and sweaty and having worked in the same industry the last thing you want to do is spend anymore time than is absolutely necessary in your heavy uniform covered in steel dust and sweat. so I hoovered down a chicken sandwich and washed the stink off me and armed with this new information about little K Dogg and her new leap I felt less anxious and able to continue for as long as it takes.

by saturday she was back to her old, but new and improved, self. she has a nap in the morning now….not for long just a 45 minute break but then she is able to box on for quite a while. she is very chatty and even more observant than before. her grasping skills are better and her ability to get something into her mouth without stabbing herself in the eye has improved. she is starting to notice how the things that she touches move and she repeats this. but she is not so good on her tummy…she does a mean superman and rocks back and forward on her tummy but the mini push up she should be executing is yet to come…maybe she wont be a crawler, preferring instead to just walk. in all honestly that would be more hygienic given the tumbleweeds of Mr Roobens hair that roll around our floors we may end up with two fur kids if we let her loose on these floors…

I love dan quayle….

this was k doggs first sound alike sentence…while she was playing in her playpen and we were watching on while drinking coffee little k dogg put some sounds together that resembled the phrase I love dan quayle. and who wouldn’t love dan? a man whose quotes while serving as vice pres to bush include “I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy — but that could change.” and “If we don’t succeed, we run the risk of failure.” and “We’re going to have the best-educated American people in the world.” oh my god I could go on and on, what gems of wisdom. reminds me of a guy I worked with who came up with such pearls in meetings such as “where we’re at is where we’re at” and “it is what it is” and my personal fave “I need to know what I need to know so that my people know what they need to know” we dubbed these pearls of wisdom as walkerisms – his surname is walker – and as it is customary in our culture we took the piss out of him at every opportunity and in good form he took it all on the chin. but he was just one dude in a management role for a steel company…not the vice preso of the old US of A, how I would have loved to have worked with Dan if only to take the total piss out of his ridiculous quotes.

anyhoo – k dogg is coming up for four months old and I think I miss being pregnant…not the baby in the belly feeling so much as the – it’s ok to be huge – feeling. lets just say that getting the motivation and energy to snap back into shape is proving to be a little harder than I had originally thought. and while I am sure Mel B just adored the taste of Jenny Craig’s food I prefer mine to taste more like food and less like it should be consumed by astronauts and produced in a lab. likewise I don’t have gunnar petersen on speed dial so any exercise or training program I undertake will be of my own doing. unfortunately if I did have a spare hour or two of waking time I would actually prefer to spend it asleep than lifting heavy things. right now I think I need sleep more than anything else. even though little k dogg is sleeping through the night, I am not. I spend quite a bit of my time listening to her breathing and worrying if she has a snuffly nose, when I do actually sleep my dreams are vivid and scary – last week I was chased by a lion and awoke exhausted, of course – not to mention that I share a bed with a man who sounds like a drag car while sleeping. I really feel for women that have to return to work so soon after giving birth – I would be like the walking dead if I was at work right now and I am sure my boss would be less than impressed if I used my time at work as my nap time. it’s a catch 22 really. I know that if I exercised more I would feel more energised but I am completely knackered so even the thought of exercising makes me want to take a nap. oh well I will try to make an effort…it would be easier if I hadn’t been such a big hole and enrolled in four units of my diploma course this semester. two would have been plenty and then I could also have done a bit more “me” stuff but noooooo why enrol in only two when you can enrol in four units and look after a baby, and yourself and a husband and a dog and a house – what a freaking lunatic I must be.

so the western australian government launches its sex offender website today. really if they are that bad that you need to see who they are and get them publicly outed then shouldnt they be locked up?

 

where is auto save when you need it….

I just completed a post on my recent visitors and when I hit publish it asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this and I said yes and then my post dissappeared…no draft, nothing, just a blank page for me to start all over again. awesome. what I had written wont seem nearly as entertaining to me second time around so I will have to come up with something else.

so yesterday I said farewell to my cousin, who is more like my sister, and her lovely daughter. I don’t think it has ever bothered me as much, being so far away from family, as it has now. we have lived in western australia since 1988 and the rest of our rellies are spread out all over Australia the UK and USA. I grew up knowing my cousins and spending time with them but for little K Dogg this looks to be impossible. she will know who everyone in the family is but the logistics of actually getting together just make it too hard – thankfully we can use skype to keep in touch with my brother and his family and I still hold out for that lotto win but in the mean time once I return to work we will start to save some moolah to be able to travel.

I am so grateful that my cous and her girl were able to come and spend some time hanging out with the B Badgers and K Dogg and now that they have returned to the other side of the country I have a new lease on life. I had started to get into a bit of a daily routine that involved not much other than caring for K Dogg and waiting for Mr B Badger.com to come home. having “the dynamo” come to stay was great and if Mr B Badger.com thinks I struggle to sit down and relax he has just witnessed what it is like ten fold. my cous is a force to be reckoned with…washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking, playing with K Dogg, throwing the ball to Mr Rooben, more washing, more cleaning, more more more…I would say she will need a holiday from her holiday but I know her well enough to know that things are no different at her place. other than she has a bigger clothesline….she took one look at my Mrs Peggs collapsible number and laughed. but as I explained to her if you have a bigger line then you are tempted to do more washing cause you have more space to hang it on. with the old Mrs Peggs you can only do a couple of loads before she’s full and then you have to wait til it’s all dry, perfect. and if she was tempted to use the dryer while she was here she needed a step to get up close to it cause it was put on the wall by a giant…failing to find a step she used a stack of books, ironically one of which is The Toyota Way which is about improving process’ to make work more efficient – well done.

anyhoo so now that the house has returned to just the four of us I have come up with a schedule that involves walking, household chores, study time and weight training to keep my days nice and full. I have to exercise, it keeps me sane. I should get a tee-shirt printed with “exercise to exorcise”. I have to prioritize things the right way for me and unfortunately that may upset some people but I don’t want to be that person who regrets not taking time for themselves and just doing what others expected of them. I am certain this will affect some people as our lives have changed substantially in the past four months and we have K Dogg to think about now. so that we can still be around to see her into her forties we are going to have to be a bit selfish and spend time making sure we are as fit and healthy as we can be. this started today for me as I set out on a walk that ended with me soaked to the skin and K Dogg dry as a bone and sound asleep in her pram. I hadn’t planned on jogging just yet but started doing some interval training closely followed by a sprint home – not easy while pushing a pram that is also being pushed by a headwind. tomorrow will be upper body weights…it’s been a while so I hope I can remember to take it easy…

bloggers block and baby brain…

isn’t baby brain meant to hit during the pregnancy? I know alot of the stuff I should be remembering is only due to my poor listening skills right now…I can’t listen to a conversation, check facebook and make sure my daughter is still breathing all at once so unfortunately the conversation loses out to the other two. it is a little wrong of me to be referring to my 6 week old as someone other than kenzi, isn’t that something people with more than one child do, in the past week I have called her hayley – my godchild, lexie – my bestys pug dog and aliza – a name that didn’t make the final cut. I don’t suppose it matters to her but it certainly doesn’t make me a front-runner for mother of the year especially when I refer to her as a chubby pug dog. maybe I should get a tattoo to help me out….that would probably see me out of the will though, mind you my dad keeps telling me there will be nothing left anyway so I might throw my tits to the wind and get inked – somewhere that he cant see it, just in case.

I go for my 6 week check up tomorrow which means I can drive again and I cant believe how made up I am over being behind the wheel again. I think kenzi and I will just go for a drive because we can. being the control freak I am it’s no good for me to be sitting in the passenger seat of my own car. there have been quite a few carguments over the past six weeks, not helping the situation is the fact that due to the car seat being behind the passenger seat I am practically in the glove compartment, not good when the nominated driver bunny hops at every start – my first “drive myself” outing should probably be to the chiropractor. don’t get me wrong I am ever grateful to both my husband and my mum for chauffering us around for the past six weeks but as we bunny hop off the kerb at the front of our house every time we set off and I have to hear about how shit the clutch is in my car I cant help but think a good tradesmen never blames his tools. on the plus side though kenzi-hayley-lexie-aliza seems to like it because she goes into the car screaming for australia and six bunny hops later is sound asleep.

I have had a bit of bloggers block over the past week and haven’t really felt that I have anything worth reading to write…my day to day just hasn’t been all that scintillating that I have been compelled to share it. but some stuff has really amused me. I signed up to the groupon website and get way too many emails in the middle of the night offering me a fantastic opportunity to “save” money. one that I received last week was for fat cavitation….what the? it just sounds wrong let alone paying for the privilege – discounted or not. the other thing I have had my fair share of is daytime telly…now I don’t partake in the free to air stations and mostly watch the crap they offer on pay tv, if I am to watch average telly I will damn well pay for it…when they first launched pay tv in australia it was sold as telly without the ads, that soon changed and now some of the ads are longer than most programs because they don’t put ads in them. anyhoo one that I particularly enjoy is the ad for pestrol rodent free. it’s a product that claims to kill rodents use an electromagnetic pulse. the fun starts in this ad when they use customer testimonials to really sell it and “stan” says “I Placed 2 in mother in-laws  house with excellent results also, nothing seen or moving anywhere.” so they are good for mother in laws as well are they stan? the other really weird part of this ad is the final shot that shows a baby sitting on the floor with an american pit bull terrier panting next to it…unless you  are cesar milan dog whisperer probably not the best combo.

something new for me this past week is having my groceries home delivered. yes I ordered my weekly shopping online and in the pissing rain on wednesday they were kindly delivered to my kitchen. now I have no concept of how much stuff weighs or how many things you get to a kilo so I just order a kilo and suck it and see. so a kilo of barramundi equals five decent sized fillets, two kilos of bananas equals about seven huge bananas and a kilo of portobello mushrooms equals mushrooms every day for a week and give half to dad. I thought they may have made a mistake when I kept pulling prepacked mushrooms out of different bags but no as it turns out mushrooms don’t weigh that much so a kilo is a lot of fungi and since I am the only person in the house that is partial to shrooms I am having omelette for lunch every day. it’s a pretty good service really and stops you from impulse buying…well it did this week, cant guarantee what the next shop will bring.

ok so my goal for this week is to get a shower before 9am…major fail today it’s 2pm and I still have my PJ panties and ugg boots on…rock on tomorrow when I get to see willy wonka one final time and kenzi-hayley-lexie-aliza gets to see his gumboot wearing sidekick. living the life we are….

random ramblings….

lack of sleep in the past 24 hours has scrambled my brain so I now have a mish mash of thoughts I want to put on barrybadger but stringing them together into some sort of reader friendly order may be a little tough…

back when I was pregnant and visiting willy wonka on a fortnightly basis his midwife and I were discussing some of my concerns about how I would cope with my change in role, from full-time employee to full-time mother. I had already commenced parental leave and was struggling to cope with the boredom of being at home all day with not much but mr rooben and barrybadger for company. willy wonkas midwife laughed when I told her this and she said – as did most people I told – that would all change soon enough. her actual words were “when women of your age, who have worked for so long, have a baby you will really struggle to understand how something so small can absorb so much of your time and before you realise it will be 2pm and you will still be in your PJs'” not sure what my age has to do with it – pretty sure women much younger than me are still kickin it in their PJs’ much later than 2pm but anyhoo. at the time I didn’t scoff outwardly at her remarks, but inside I was thinking – whatever honey I am going to have a routine and this baby will be working in with me…so fast forward to today. I tried, unsuccessfully, to have a shower from about 10.30am until 1pm. I had hoped to tidy the kitchen, do some washing, fold up the clothes and organise my work desk…what I actually accomplished was a shower. I ate my cereal while expressing a feed and once that was done went back to feeding our girl on demand. so I am glad I didn’t scoff outwardly at any of the people who had told me how my life would be once I returned home with the prize because they were all correct. and, like me, they probably all had the same thoughts before they bought their prize home to…I bloody hope so anyway.

now as gross as this next admission may seem to some people it has to be said, we have magazines in our toilet. not because we can’t afford toilet paper, no. sometimes it takes a while to do your business and having something to look at helps pass the time. anyway at the moment one of these magazines has quite a bit of advertising for cosmetics and I find it amusing that the advertisement is clearly aimed at those of us with “tired” complexions yet the model is an overly airbrushed teenager. this got me thinking about a disclaimer that they should put on the ads that says “actual results may vary” or “if you didn’t look this good prior to using this product, chances are you never will” about 30 years ago body sprays entered the market and one of the ads claimed that if you wore impulse body spray someone would give you flowers….I wrote to this company – yes a real letter – and said I had been wearing impulse – take the shame! – and that I still had not been given any flowers…a couple of weeks later I received a small bunch of fake flowers in the mail, and some free impulse. cute, but costly, and if they had added a disclaimer to the advert they could have given my smart arse teenage ramblings the attention they truly deserved. now don’t judge me for admitting to having magazines in the toilet. if people didn’t want something to read while doing their business there would be no point in dunny door graffiti and the conads company would be out of business – that’s the mob that put the ads on the toilet door to sell you something while you wee.

oh my god I am so excited for the olympics to start…